Brad Stine, fresh from his appearance at CPAC [all 15 minutes of which can be found here, if you like your comedy unfunny] made his weekly appearance on Fox and Friends. Readers would be right to suspect he’d disappeared from the Fox and Friends rotation, since his last several appearances have not been documented by News Hounds. No, he simply had nothing new to say and started to repeat himself. That messed with my perfectly crafted conceit that former-carney Stine was an expert on everything, because that’s how the Curvy Couch seemed to use him. It turns out that Stine is a maven on two things only: “Wussification” and “Political Correctness.” No matter the topic, Stine is able to twist his response into some variation of “The Politically Correct Wussification of [fill in the blank].” Wash, rinse, and repeat—like all the best propaganda. This week Stine didn’t disappoint in that regard, the jumping off point being teachers’ unions and so-called rubber rooms.
Last week Stine managed to work in the words “politically correct” in the first 3 seconds of his appearance, which might be an all-time record. However, this week it almost seemed like he wasn’t even trying…or forgot his mission…because he was well off the mark he set. It took him 21 seconds to utter the same words. This is 7 times as slow. Furthermore, it took him 65 seconds—which is a small eternity in tee vee time—to work in the word “wussification,” something he didn’t even bother to do last week despite it being the title of his CD/DVD and a word he’s been using since at least 2007, when it was released.
However, the joy in writing about Brad Stine (when I even bother anymore) is merely to point out something incredibly stupid he has said. This week it came in a discussion of a rubber-room teacher who is finally retiring with all kinds of benefits. To be fair: Steve Doocy did set Stine up, almost as if it had been planned, and provided heavy validation throughout, as you can see by his interjections:
BS: And you said the most important thing, Steve. This—You said the most important thing. The irony of ironies was: the guy [heh heh heh heh] was a typing teacher. He was paid for 11 years,—
SD: That’s right.
BS: as a teacher, not to teach—
SD: I know it.
BS: —a class using a machine THEY DON’T EVEN MAKE ANYMORE!!! [Emphasis his]
SD: [Laughs loudly] Good final point.
BS: So, he’s being paid to teach people things they can’t use if they wanted to. HOLD THE PRESSES!!! SELL EVERYTHING!!! Jesus is coming!!!
BS: Obviously it’s the end of the world!!! It’s Bizarro time!!! This is why unions either—
BS: —have to change the way they do things, or they no longer have to wonder why we can’t stand what they are about—
SD: Sure, Alright.
BD: They’re the wussification of America.
SD: There you go.
BD: They don’t teach work ethic; they teach the opposite.
SD: Ladies and gentlemen. Brad Stine, live from Nashville.
While it may be true that typewriters are an endangered species, I still see a lot of computer QWERTY keyboards around on home computers and laptops. Keyboards, and the ability to use one, are not going to go away any time soon no matter how many people type with their thumbs on hand held devices.
FULL DISCLOSURE: This article was produced using a QWERTY keyboard. @BradStine has a Twitter account. It would be interesting to ask what kind of keyboard he uses for his occasional tweets. Personally, I suspect he needs a dictionary just to remember how to spell QWERTY. Video below the fold: