Is Fox's "The Five" really a low level "improv" show that's done for comedy? These jokers can't be serious, can they? Nobody actually would sit around making the kind of mindless commentary, made by The Five, unless they were attempting to be humorous, right? Because if Wednesday's discussion of Lent (a popular subject on a supposedly secular network) was supposed to be serious, it wasn't. And if it was supposed to be funny, put it this way, SNL has nothing to worry about. But we did learn that Kimberly Guilfoyle can't give up salami for Lent because she loves it so much. That's what she said ;)

"The Five" could be some kind of set piece with characters who fulfill certain archetypes. There's the short skirted sexy woman, usually played by Kimberly Guilfoyle, whose chair is on the front, left side of the table - a place from which her shapely legs are prominently displayed especially when the crossed leg is swung around. As a foil to the sexiness of whoever is in the leg chair, is the icy, intellectual blonde, Dana Perino whose legs are not part of the scenery. On occasion, the always sneering Andrea Tantaros substitutes for Perino or Guilfoyle. Conservative testosterone is provided by the always snarling Greg Gutfeld and the rabidly partisan Eric Bolling. And of course, Bob Beckel provides comic relief as the token liberal who is frequently mocked by the others.

Bob Beckel introduced the topic because Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of a season that, for Fox News, seems to be as important as Christmas what with Fr. Jonathan Morris promoting (on two shows) his "Lenten Challenge" and Bill O'Reilly offering a tip on what kids should be doing during the run up to when the Easter Bunny shows up with candy. He asked Bolling, whom he described as a "good Catholic," what he is giving up. Being the humble (and possibly racist) Catholic that he is, Bolling said "like I don't give up enough already, I fast every Tuesday and I don't eat red meat at all." (Oh wow, a bypass Purgatory and go straight to heaven ticket for him!!!) He "joked" that he will get sainthood if he's able to stop fighting with the show's executive producer, Porter Berry. (Former Bill O'Reilly stalker whose "sting" of Bill Moyers didn't go quite as planned and who, when accosting Dr.George Tiller, cited Tiller's "nickname" as the "baby killer.")

Tantaros (filling in for Perino) "joked" that even though she's not Catholic, she was thinking of giving up fighting with Bob. (hardeharhar). The brown haired guy who isn't Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade (filling for Gutfeld), "joked" about giving up appearing on the O'Reilly Factor. (hardeharhar) Beckel laughed hysterically after he asked the twice divorced Catholic Guilfoyle what she's giving up. She couldn't come up with an immediate answer but finally said that while she was going to say "salami," she realized that she can't because she "loves it so much" and it's her "favorite thing."(Guess she's not hiding it, badaboom) To Beckel's continued probing, she exclaimed "dark chocolate." (I'll refrain from commenting...)  The rest of the discussion devolved into the Catholic theology behind Lenten sacrifice - sort of.

Forget comedy - this must be theatre of the absurd!