Fox News' Crackpot Tips To Spice Up Your Love Life

This article on Fox News' "M" has to contain the 10 worst tips for spicing up a romance ever. Don't believe us? Here's a sample:

5. If your guy is shy but has a good sense of humor, take a picture of the toilet in your bathroom, then plug your digital camera into a computer or TV and load the picture onto your screen. When he comes out of the bathroom, start laughing and pointing. He will see the picture and think you saw him in there!

I can't think of anything less likely to make our guys or anyone else's feel romantic than to falsely make him think someone was spying on him in the bathroom. But wait, there's more.

1. Put a small piece of masking tape on the bottom of his mouse, making sure it covers the trackball or optical sensor. Watch as he struggles to read his e-mail — and don’t forget to write “Gotcha!” on the tape.

We kid you not.

We found these via Cracked.com which says about them:

It was written by their style editor and nitwit Amber Milt, whose previous online credits include a clumsy listing of seven overexposed break-ups she vaguely remembers ("Jonny Depp and 6 Other Shocking Celebrity Splits") and eight sentences partially describing 10 publicity photos of Prince William ("10 Reasons Why Prince William Really IS Prince Charming"). I guess my point is the same one I've made many times before: check out this goddamn moron.

You can read the other eight tips here.

You can also come up with your own suggestions that may have gotten left out of the column in our comments thread.

UPDATE: Milt cribbed several of her ideas from an article about children's pranks.

Do you like this post?

	Tweet

Showing 19 reactions

bees commented 2012-07-16 11:48:25 -0400 · Flag

If heâs into fixing things, send him to the hardware store for a glass hammer or cement humidifier. For the sports guy, tell him to grab a box of curveballs and meet you in the park after work. Beware though, this could keep him tied up for a while.

If your guy is “into fixing things” and/or a “sports guy” wouldn’t he take one look at this list and conclude you are being a dumbshite?
You know why I’d be tied up for a while…because I’d be down at the bar watching the game instead of listening to you.

Aria Prescott commented 2012-07-15 13:15:28 -0400 · Flag

Headley, no one here has ever doubted that of you. But I guess it needed to be said here, since a certain pretend lawyer would have just deleted your post if you put it there…

Headly Westerfield commented 2012-07-15 11:58:46 -0400 · Flag

Here’s the link I couldn’t find yesterday:

Fox News Magazine Stole Childrenâs Pranks for Weirdest Sex Column Ever http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/07/fox-news-magazine-stole-kid-pranks-for-column.html

Now that I have proven, once again, that I tell the truth…help me save the EWF Stirrup House in Miami: http://notnowsilly.blogspot.com/2012/07/unpacking-coconut-grove-part-two-ewf.html

With all my…yadda yadda yadda

Visitor 55 commented 2012-07-14 19:39:48 -0400 · Flag

They forgot this all time fave:

Meet your guy at the door and as soon as he walks in, punch him in the face and then kick him in the nuts. A guaranteed romantic evening!

Joshua Hatheway commented 2012-07-14 17:27:09 -0400 · Flag

Darn, can I have a link to the plagiarized article. Now that would be funny. These pranks are silly. But i guess thats what pranks are by nature.

mj - the same one commented 2012-07-14 13:49:06 -0400 · Flag

They forgot one:

11. Go into the men’s room after him and, wearing a men’s shoe, go to the stall next to his. Tap your shoe next to his . . .

.

newzhound commented 2012-07-14 11:35:06 -0400 · Flag

Aria:

A typical librul tactic – to actually try to verify before you repeat it!

Aria Prescott commented 2012-07-14 01:40:04 -0400 · Flag

I heard that, but I couldn’t find an article with a solid case. I should head over to Koldy’s dump and see if he has it, he’s an authority on childish and stupid.

Headly Westerfield commented 2012-07-14 01:13:54 -0400 · Flag

You buried the lede.

Can’t find the link, but I read an article today that said the Fox News article was plagiarized from a children’s web site from an article about pranks. It had side by side comparisons.

So…it’s not only stupid, but stolen stupid.

Don’t forget I have a Blog: http://notnowsilly.blogspot.com/

With all my…….

Ellen commented 2012-07-13 21:34:05 -0400 · Flag

I highly recommend the comments to the article. They’re hilarious.

Jack S commented 2012-07-13 21:25:09 -0400 · Flag

Yes, nothing will get my wife’s motor running than a picture of me straining on the John stinking up the house. What’s next, dress up in a petrified cowdung negligee?

Cletus commented 2012-07-13 21:23:46 -0400 · Flag

newzhound: No, should I?

newzhound commented 2012-07-13 20:01:09 -0400 · Flag

Cletus:

Have you been reading Wonkette?

I posted my comment too soon – sorry for half a post.

newzhound commented 2012-07-13 19:59:47 -0400 · Flag

Aria and Ellen: Y’all missed a good part of this story. According to “Cracked,” these fun tips for children were first published in that magazine.

They claim Ambert Milt fo

truman commented 2012-07-13 19:37:47 -0400 · Flag

Rub poison ivy all over his personal use loofah. (Submitted by Andrea Mackris).

Lakeview Greg commented 2012-07-13 19:14:49 -0400 · Flag

I gotta be honest, at first I thought Fox had picked these up from Cracked.

Cletus commented 2012-07-13 19:02:31 -0400 · Flag

Here’s one they’re sure to love!

Staple his scrotum to the headboard of your bed, and then leave a pair of pliers just beyond his reach!

You’ll have hours of fun!

Lakeview Greg commented 2012-07-13 18:52:54 -0400 · Flag

I dunno, if your guy isn’t the biggest or most self-confident rod in the bait and tackle shop, number 5 could give him quite a complex.