Bill O’Reilly’s megalomania reached new heights (or lows, depending on your perspective) last night as he announced – in all seriousness – that his program is “now mandated to keep American lunacy in check.” O’Reilly rattled off his accomplishments in that regard: freeing an American prisoner in Mexico, getting a Florida professor suspended for engaging in an intercultural exercise O’Reilly didn’t like and saving Easter in an Alabama school.
In his Talking Points commentary called, “Keeping Lunacy in Check,” O’Reilly said proudly:
It seems like this program is now in charge of stopping the madness. You remember in December, we had to threaten the Mexican government in order to get Marine Corporal Jon Hammar out of prison down there. He was thrown in jail for absolutely no reason. After we exposed the abuse, the Mexican president finally relented and the corporal was released. That was a very serious situation and we were happy that we could help. But there have been dozens of other things not quite at that level.
O’Reilly went on to cite an incident at Florida Atlantic University in which a student was punished for refusing to stomp on a piece of paper with the word “Jesus” on it. “After we reported the story, the professor was suspended, the student reinstated by the university.” What O’Reilly failed to mention was that the “stomping” was an exercise in an Intercultural Communications class designed to make students hesitate and lead to a discussion about the importance of symbols in culture. O’Reilly also forgot to mention that he was not the only Fox Newsie to cover this story.
But then, O’Reilly got to what was surely his crowning achievement: saving Easter. He played a clip of a school principal in Alabama saying that they don’t say “the Easter bunny” in order to respect everybody’s differences. With a mean-spirited smirk, O’Reilly boasted, “Now after we brought you that, two days later, the Easter bunny was magically back on campus.”
I can assure you that while O’Reilly puffs out his chest now about having saved Easter, the enemies of the Easter Bunny will have resurfaced next year and need to be vanquished all over again. O’Reilly will get extra bunny points if he can find a public school to paint as the bunny villain.
So you get the picture. When strange occurrences break out, no longer do you call the Ghostbusters, you call The Factor.”
Now that puts some pressure on me and my producers because we can’t right every wrong and we have to be very careful about the story we take up. …But it is true that the Factor is now mandated to keep American lunacy in check.
No wonder the ratings are plunging.
NOTE TO BILLY
Tell the masses how you treat your own family, you crazy loon.