Earlier this week, "Santa" (aka Sal Lizard) visited the happy Christmas curvy couch crew, on Fox & Friends, to discuss his new book about the "true meaning of Christmas" which, for Santa, is all about fighting Christmas "political correctness"- something that he has in common with Christmas warrior queen, Gretchen Carlson. During the interview Steve Doocy said that "We know that you love the spirit of Christmas throughout the year." Well, unbeknownst to Doocy, Mr. Lizard (who also does a "Vampire Santa") loves not just Christmas, but ladies, too. In the Christmas spirit, Lizard, who describes himself as a "dirty old man," and "pleaser of women," knows that if those ladies don't leave Santa cookies, he will "eat their pie." He also urges women to sit on his lap cuz he'll "be there" for them. Too bad jolly Santa didn't extend that invite to Gretch. She loves Christmas so who knows, she might have enjoyed it!
Thanks to some intrepid bloggers at Douchechillz, some interesting videos of "Santa" have surfaced. Some of the non politically correct Christmas goodies are:
- “My name is Sal Lizard. I’m an actor, stand-up comic, and pleaser of women.”
- “You know why it’s important for gals to leave Santa cookies? Because if they don’t, I’ma lick their pie.”
- “When you’re an old man, you appreciate young girls, if you know what I mean.”
- “If any of you gals out there want to sit on my lap, I’ll be there for you.”
- “[Porn legend] Ron Jeremy said to me… ‘You’re a fucking genius … You’ve legitimized Santa being a dirty old man.’ And he said, ‘I always see you with these women, and you’re biting their necks, and you’re licking their necks, or you’re bitin’ them on the boob.
Fox & Friends might want to vet their Santa's a little more closely. Anyway, Christmas is around the corner and Santa's coming ;) Ho, Ho, Ho!
All snark aside, would Gretchen Carlson want this old perv around her children - or any children for that matter?
Check out the "mash-up" video done by the Douchechillz folks
There must be like a thousand jokes for the trio of clowns in the morning.
- So, Gretchen. Have been a good girl?
Or have you been a naughty, naughty, naughty girl?
Remember. Santy Clous is watchin’
Hey — if Wayne LaPierre can have armed guards around children at school, Gretch can have a perv Santa around them at Xmastime . . .
F&F can be awfully nice when the illegal is white.
These goofs are truly desperate to find ways to reinforce their agenda, aren’t they?
Of course. It’s called “rightwingnut family values” — as exemplified by
- David “diapers” Vitter
- Larry “wide stance” Craig
- Arnold “serviced by housekeeper” Schwarzenegger
- Rudy “cross-dresser” Giuliani
- Mark “I was hiking the Appalachians” Sanford
and many others . . .