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The Glenn Beck Week That Was: The Post-Rapture Edition

Reported by Aunty Em - May 21, 2011 -

Since The Rapture never happened, my News Hounds column is due as promised. And, it’s only appropriate it’s about Glenn Beck because he’s the only one who can save Israel now. Earlier this week I described the hubris of a man who would think he’s talking directly to—or for—God. On Monday Moses Glenn Beck dropped the info that he’s taking us to The Promised Land, with his "Restoring Courage" rally in Jerusalem. By Thursday he was screaming that “very gates of Heaven” will open from his Christain mission to The Holy Land. Let my people go:

I didn’t make the decision of where—We’ve reserved so many sites. Last night at 1 AM Eastern Time I made [intoned with huge import] The Decision, because we had to be on the phone and give a decision to, to all of these places in Israel. One AM, man. I prayed on this one hard. Because, what I am going to announce tomorrow—I thought it was going to be rough going yesterday—heh. Now with what the president has done—Let me tell you something. This is going to be a life-altering event. It will take profound courage to stand in Israel. Because I believe the very Gate of Hell have been opened against them but the very Gates of Heaven are about to open up the other way.

Then the evangelist pimped his website. Watch:

Courtesy of Media Matters

On the Friday night’s regular Beck and Call segment with The Falafel King Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck took it even further. He’s single-handedly going to prevent a modern day Holocaust of the Jews.

GB: Going to Israel in August and we announced today when and where and umm—I don’t know how many people are going to go with us. The Middle Easy is going to be on fire by August. But I personally think that—umm—the Jews are in real trouble.

BO: Why do you think that? They’re in trouble how?

GB: I don’t know. [chuckles] When you have hundreds of thousands of people gathering in squares, all in the Middle East, saying “Kill the Jew. Kill the Jew.” I don’t know. Oh, something like that.

BO: But that’s always—that’s been that way for a very long [crosstalk unintelligible]—

GB: [crosstalk] It’s this Arab Spring is a lie. It’s a lie, Bill, and you know it. It’s a lie. If you look at the words of Hamas and Hezbollah and all of those guys, they’re exactly the same as Hitler. Exactly the same. These guys may be more blatant. They’re gaining power. The Middle East is on fire and they’re surrounding Israel and our president is giving it away.

BO: You’re trying to raise the level of awareness—[cut off]

GB: Will you stand—

BO: [undeterred] That Israel’s in trouble—[cut off]

GB: And will you stand [Bill tries again—crosstalk] and not only with Israel, but with a Jew. [Bill gives up in the face of crazy] Will—How do you feel about Jews? It’s one thing—I’m not asking you. I’m asking a rhetorical question. How do you feel about Jews? Are you willing to put one and hide one behind a wall in your house? Because, people should have had that conversation in 1933. I think we’re headed down that same path in the Middle East.

It’s not the best time to sell package tours of The Holy Land, with Beck claiming over and over again that it will be on fire in August. However, Glenn Beck has always been unconventional. Like selling a tour of the The Holy Sites while it's on fire. It's no wonder he keeps pimping his web site. A link from his Web Money Machine takes you to a subset of Humanitarian Travel, which claims:

Humanitarian Travel is the world leader in humanitarian travel. We offer more than 100 different tours and cruises annually. Many of our trips and cruises are hosted by some of the very best inspirational speakers and authors in the Salt Lake community.

Salt Lake City. Trip to the Holy Land. One of these days I’ll have to get into the topic of the Mormons baptizing dead Jews by proxy, but this doesn’t seem the right time because there’s a package tour to promote. In fact, other than an 8-day cruise to Alaska, Beck’s Magical Mystery Holy Land Revival Medicine Show and 10-day Tour appears to be the only other trip listed at Humanitarian Travel’s site. It’s a confusing array of prices and structures, but basically it’s $5,000, per person, with a V.I.P. package another $500, per person. But they make it sound so tempting.

Now you have the opportunity to Stand with Glenn Beck in the Old Jerusalem and have the opportunity of a lifetime to visit the Holy Land. The Holy Land with its ancient civilizations, diverse cultures and religious history is a mecca for Christians, Muslims and Jews. Walk in the footsteps of Christ. You'll be sure to cherish this trip for a lifetime. Come learn with your knowledgeable licensed local guide. Your enlightening look into the past awaits!

Highlights Include:

• Nazareth
• Visit The Sea of Galilee
• Experiencing Old Jerusalem
• The Dome of the Rock
• Walking through the Garden of Gethsemane
• Visiting the Garden Tomb
• The Mediterranean Sea
• Experienced, Licensed English Speaking Guides
• and much much more

At the risk of helping promote Beck’s Christian Crusade to The Holy Land and further, but because it’s always fun to watch him get emotional, for your viewing pleasure I present The Official Announcement of the time and date:

If anyone wants to fund a trip, I’d love to do this incognito. I’ve never been to The Holy Land and as my people have always said, “Next year in Jerusalem.” Listening to Glenn Beck’s Holy History lessons right where he’s distorting it would be a dream come true. Watching the Gates of Heaven open for Moses Glenn Beck? Priceless. Watching the Gates of Hell open up and swallow Glenn Beck? Devine retribution. “Invoke my name, will you?!?” I’d give anything to be there. Before the next Rapture.

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