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Glenn Beck Dumbs It Down For Viewers and Sounds Like Mr. Rogers for Teabaggers

Reported by Aunty Em - January 31, 2011 -

On a recent show Glenn Beck argued America should be more like China. However, because he knows he can work both sides of the street and his audience won't realize he's contradicting himself, now he’s telling viewers of Fox “News” that we shouldn’t follow China’s lead when it comes to high-speed rail. Since he seems to have blown his entire props budget on cute little bunny rabbits, chain saws, cookies and fish sticks, he was forced to go to the chalkboard for a low-tech demonstration this time.

In short: Beck’s against spending on infrastructure and modernizing America, allowing it to fall farther behind. However, this is being shared not so much for what he says, but how he says it. It would seem as if he feels he has to talk like Mr. Rogers, treating his audience as simpletons, in order to get them to understand a not very complicated point. Watch:

Video courtesy of Media Matters

Okay, let’s start here. First of all: China, of course, builds stuff with ease. They have what practically progressives used to call slave and child labor. [sarcastic] So, I don’t really have a problem with that. And they also don’t have any environmental restrictions to worry about. They can dump poison into the rivers and it doesn’t really matter. Like, what’re you gonna do? They don’t care if they roll railroad tracks for new choo choo trains right over caribou mating grounds and the slave labor and child labor camps. But, let’s forget about that one. Let’s—let’s see. He [President Obama] was talking about giving more money to infrastructure. May I remind you I’ve heard this somewhere before. We looked it up—in fact it was two years ago he said this:
(AUDIO BEGINS) PRESIDENT OBAMA: [unintelligible] This plan will save or create 3-point-5 million jobs. [Beck interjects with a vocal sound reminiscent of a buzzer for a wrong answer on a game show] More than 90% of these jobs will be in the private sector. [interjection of several buzzer vocal sounds made by Beck] Jobs rebuilding our roads and bridges. [Beck interjects sarcastically, “Uh huh.”] Constructing wind turbines and solar panels. [Beck interjects sarcastically, “They’re everywhere.] Laying broadband and expanding mass transit. (AUDIO ENDS)

BECK: It’s crazy how that’s been—I don’t think any of that’s been done, do you? That was the point of the whole trillion dollar stimulus, right? Didn’t we already spend 13 billion dollars on fancy choo choo trains last time? Of th—last night [SOTU] was all about unity. I didn’t get my little ribbon, but it was all about unity and I think we can all unite on one thing: America doesn’t need any more choo choo trains. Enough. AMTRAK loses money on 41 of 44 routes. And, over a billion dollars every year, gone! Do you know why? ‘Cause nobody’s riding it. Making them faster isn’t going to help.

Let me show you how the choo choo train thing works. [Goes to ever-present chalkboard] Here’s the tracks. Oooh, look at this. Fly California. Huh? Isn’t that nice? And here is a—well, here is a cargo train. It’s great. Yeah. Let me show you what happens. Here in America, ‘cause that’s where we’re talkin’ about, not that fancy Europe or China. Here in America, we have one set of tracks and a choo choo train that’s carrying all of our stuff is using this track. And so are the really fast bullet trains. Uh oh!!! Choo choo!!! PKEWKS!! [you try spelling that sound of a train crash] That’s why we don’t buold them here. We only have to lay another whole set of tracks for the fancy choo choo train. Also, if it doesn’t go that way, then it would go this way: Here’s the choo choo using the same tracks, bullet train going the same way. BULLET TRAIN COMING REALLY FAST!!! And this one going not very fast. REALLY FAST!!! Eeeeeeeee—eeeeeeeeee [soto voce] chuga chuga chuga. You see? That’s how trains work. Choo choo trains. I think we’re going to take the jet airplane. Yeah. ‘Cause choo choo that goes really fast and costs a lot of money, is going to have to slow down. Chuga chuga choo choo. How do I know all of this stuff? [Picks up document] High speed rail. Just the GAO. That’s it. Government Accounting Office, they can’t even put a price tag on this because they say the high speed rail gonna require new safety rules—OH! Regulations?—constant public capital investment and operating subsidies. CONSTANT! And balance that with freight rail service and the rest of the national transportation system. The planning necessary to meet the many concerns the GAS says—you see, you can’t trust them because it’s only the Government Accounting Office—says haven’t even occurred. Choo choo!

Glenn needs a nappy because it seems like he's going off the rails. Choo choo indeed.

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