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Glenn Beck's Conspiracy Theory About A Scrubbed Internet Overlooks His Own Scrubbed Transcript

Reported by Ellen - May 18, 2010 -

Guest blogged by Aunty Em

Last week, Glenn Beck produced nothing less than a tour de force for his conspiracy theory web.

From start to finish, Beck's show on Monday, May 10, 2010, was a breathless convocation of everything evil in America, how it is all interconnected, and why we need to fear a “fundamental transformation” of the nation. Ostensibly it was supposed to be about the evils of Net Neutrality, one of his many conspiracy theories, but along the way he managed to mention and/or castigate (in the following order): Sonia Sotomayor; La Raza; Ron Gochez (a social activist high school teacher in Los Angeles); CNN; Keith Olbermann (who Beck will only call “the Shakespearian guy”); Marxists; Communists; the White House; Van Jones; Anita Dunn; Andy Stern; the Fairness Doctrine; FCC; Mark Lloyd; President Obama; the Huffington Post; Edward R. Murrow; Tim Russert; Ariana Huffington; Crime, Inc.; Cap and Trade; NBC; MSNBC; G.E.; Jeffery Immelt; Economic Recovery Advisory Board; Green Weeks; Al Gore; R.F.K. Jr.; Joel Rogers; Chicago Climate Exchange; Cisco; AFL-CIO; Color of Change; SEIU; Richard Trumka; Washington Post; Woodward and Bernstein; Jim Wallis; George Soros; Tides Foundation; Joyce Foundation; PBS; Bill Moyers, who belongs to the United Church of Christ, which is just like Jeremiah Wright’s church; Free Press; Robert McChesney; and AmeriCorps.

And, that was all before the first commercial break!!!

During segment two, Beck went after PBS; The Washington Post; MSNBC; G.E.; SEIU; Apollo Alliance; AFL-CIO; AmeriCorps; The Huffington Post; Free Press; Nancy Pelosi; Keith Olbermann; Rachel Maddow; Bill Moyers; Adolph Hitler; Daily kos; L.A. Times; George Soros; Media Matters; Leftists; Socialists; his own Twitter and facebook fans, who he is accusing of his latest conspiracy (leaving racist comments to make him look bad. Like he needs any help); Cass Sunstein; conspiracy theories; NEA; Lucifer; Satan; and Saul Alinski; the last three of those names linked for some reason. Since it was a shorter segment, that’s all he had time for and the Beckereeno, remember, has to account for his practiced repetition—from segment to segment, day to day, week to week, month to month—so the propaganda will stick to his audience. The Big Lie personified.

Segment three name-checked Greece, the European Uprising, David Buckner, the NYT, Stuart Varney, Global Government, Socialism, and TARP. And the News Hounds. Segment four repeated the NYT, Greece, and the Washington Post, then added Time Magazine, Joe Klein, James Poniewozik, Fascism, Mexico, Cass Sunstein infiltrating Tea Party meetings, and then ended with a pitch for the free trial of his Insider Extreme premium service, where, hopefully, he explains why all of this is interconnected, because he never did on his show.

The 2nd-to-last segment added to the litany of villains: Santeen High School, where it turns out Ron Gochez is still teaching; the teachers’ union; Communists; and Arnold Schwarzenegger, who vetoed a bill that would have called for loyalty oaths for teachers. The final segment of the show, the sign off, promoted Founders’ Friday and pimped Insider Extreme again. That’s it; that’s all.

When the show had finished I realized I was physically drained, mopping my brow and breathing hard at the sheer verbal gymnastics Beck displayed in this one long piece that, I had to remind myself, was supposed to be all about Net Neutrality. I wasn’t the only one impressed. Glenn must have even impressed himself because, when he published the official (often faulty) transcript on the Fox News website, he published it as one, long single piece of Absurdist Theatre. While Albert Einstein spent a lifetime trying to find the Unified Field Theory, Glenn Beck has perfected it to describe a world in which everything and everybody is in cahoots with one another and only Glenn Beck can be trusted to tell you the truth.

At one point he persisted in the same delusional paranoia he’s displayed a fair amount of lately, by intimating he’ll be disappeared, just like Jimmy Hoffa. And, yet, those words themselves, which were on Fox News' original transcript, have disappeared from the official Fox News transcript published later in the week.

First, Beck played a clip of Richard Trumka, of the AFL-CIO, saying, “We are working to counter the Glenn Beck effect and turn anger into action for real change.” Beck seemed to interpret that as a death threat because he followed that up immediately with, “I wonder if they’ll bury me—could it be on the 50-yard line? I don’t like the end zone. Would you bury me there?”*

Those exact words were posted earlier in the week on the Fox News web site, along with the caution, “This is a rush transcript from “Glenn Beck,” May 10, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.”

Isn’t it odd that the new, updated transcript linked from the main Beck page, removes all references to football end zones? It no longer says, “may not be in its final form,” so the assumption is this is the final, sanitized Glenn Beck transcript. And here’s what the new, improved version says:

(BEGIN CLIP) [with no mention of Trumka]
“We are working to counter the Glenn Beck effect and turn anger into action for real change.”

Glenn Beck: There's NBC and the trail of money leading to the green movement. OK, so Mr. President — its [sic] not just cable, Internet, radio. We can't get the truth from GE, NBC or MSNBC or the Washington Post.**

Notice the non-sequitor? That’s because the lines that immediately preceded it were those about being buried in an end zone. They have been scrubbed from the original transcript, which skips to his next complete thought. Here’s the actual video so you can read along and compare the dueling transcripts.

Ironically, earlier in the show, he said, “Let’s face it—even some of the craziest claims can quickly gain traction. I’ve had some experience in that regard.”

Crazy claims? Like Jimmy Hoffa’s final resting place is in the end zone of Giant’s Stadium? Aside from the fact that that urban myth was debunked a long time ago, wasn’t Hoffa head of the Teamsters, not the AFL-CIO?

However, for Beck, one union member stands in for all and they are all bad. The SEIU, teachers’ unions, AFL-CIO, Teamsters. They’re all the same. Progressives, Marxists, Communists, Fascists? They’re all the same. Beck’s monologues go into the most sweeping generalizations about people, groups, and countries. Meanwhile, his audience seems to smile and nod, content in the belief that what Glenn tells them is the truth and never doing any research for themselves.

That would all change on Wednesday, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Wednesday show (05-12-10) was another one of Beck's crazy ‘Climate Change is a Hoax’ shows. I started to tune out, as I have heard it all before, from Beck himself, and not all that long ago—like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. Suddenly I heard him trashing Maurice Strong, of all people, for the plot of a novel he had never written, of all things. My proud Canadian ears perked up. Strong was once a big deal Canadian oil exec, headed the United Nations Environment Programme, came back to Canada to run Petro-Canada, and, later, Ontario Hydro (now called Hydro One), one of the largest public utilities in the world. He was one considered one of Canada’s first environmentalists. Strong now lives in China, is president of the United Nations University for Peace, and is involved in many Climate Change groups, which is where Glenn Beck comes in. After he accused Strong of wanting to collapse the planet into a One World Government, he did something really weird…even for him. He talked about his crack research team, before admitting they were not up to the task of finding all the dirt on Maurice Strong:

“He’s not just some guy. He’s a big fish we’re bringing into the boat. Now here’s what I need to ask you to do. I want you to—right now—and if you’re watching this on Tivo, I’m asking you to stop the show. Stop it. Pause it. And, go to the internet RIGHT NOW! You find everything you can about this man. Okay? I’ve got—How many researchers do I have on staff? Tiffany? How many people do we have on our Fox staff on this show? Ten! Ten! This stuff [referring to his connect-the-dots chalkboard doodlings] is out there. This guy has been saying this stuff for a long time. We need a research team not of 10, but 10,000, a hundred thousand, five hundred thousand. I need you to get on the internet. Now, be careful because it can be very confusing, as the president told us. I need videos—anything you can find on Maurice Strong and you send it to us right away. Please. I can guarantee you the reason why this [red] phone is not ringing now is because there are phone calls being made and they are scouring the internet, are sanitizing and taking it all off. Find it. Now. Before it’s gone.” [Transcript by author and guaranteed to be 99.9% accurate.]

Either Glenn Beck doesn’t understand the internet, or he understands it perfectly well and is hoping his vast audience isn’t smart enough to understand the internet. There is no scouring and sanitizing the internet. That stuff lives forever. That drunken photo you posted on some now-defunct BBS way back in the ‘80s? It’s still somewhere on the internet, comprised of zeros and ones, just waiting to be reconstructed into a picture by a computer somewhere.

The irony of ironies is this: after scrubbing and sanitizing his own printed transcript from Monday (or after Fox News did it), Beck wants to scare his audience into believing that an evil entity—intent on One World Government—is out to scrub the internet clean of anything that might give away the plot. It’s a win/win for Beck. If his audience finds anything on Strong, Beck will have the proof he requires, but if his audience finds nothing incriminating, Beck can accuse the internet scrubbers of getting there first. Maybe that's who he'll blame for the scrubbing of the Fox News transcript.

Beck’s viewers are nothing if not obedient. They must have jumped onto their computers en masse and started Googling their little fingers off. By the very next day when one went to the Googlizer and typed M-A-U, the auto filler comes up with “Maurice Strong.” “Maurice Strong Obama,” and “Maurice Strong Eugenics.”

Mission accomplished for Glenn Beck, whose ubiquity knows no earthly bounds.

* Official Fox News transcript before the official scrubbing

** Official Fox News transcript after the official scrubbing

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