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The Beck Week That Was; The Glenn Beck Year That Was, All Over Again

Reported by Guest Blogger - January 11, 2010 -

Guest blogged by Aunty Em

“Case closed” was the Glenn Beck Mantra all this week. He said it over and over as he wrapped up all his conspiracy theories from 2009. “Case closed,” he intoned in his fake serious voice after repeating for the umpteenth time the connections between Woodrow Wilson, Progressives, Communists, and those in Obama’s White House that would destroy our nation. “Case closed,” he said over and over during the week. “Case closed.”

There’s no doubt in my mind that Beck’s “Case closed” is a reference to Gerald Posner’s famous book Case Closed about the Kennedy Assassination, which is as backward as anything Beck has done yet. Posner was using the phrase “case closed” to smack down all the various conspiracies in the Kennedy case. On the other hand Beckereeno is using “case closed” to promote all his wacky, still-to-be-proven, connect-the-dots conspiracy theories.

Back in November, when I met him in Fort Lauderdale, he promised me (and many others through a megaphone) that come the New Year his show would be changing. On Monday he said that after these last five shows “we’re moving on.”

One can only hope. The Beckster has not said anything new in weeks. Possibly months.

He opened Monday’s show a little miffed at having been honoured with the trophy for “Misinformer of the Year.” “I’m a little sick of the smears,” he said and went on to inform his vast viewing audience that more than 50,000 man hours of research went into all the lies and smears that he retailed all last year. He showed off all the books he read and all the files compiled during those 50,000 man hours of research.

One question: Just how big is his staff? Assuming 2009 had the same number of days as this year, that breaks down to 137 research hours every day, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to bring The Comedy Conspiracy Hour to the easily fooled. At least fooled until you start doing the math.

One answer: I bet Beck’s got a staff of 25. I can just imagine the thinking that went into the 50,000 man hour figure. Rubbing his many chins he thought, “I have a staff of 25. They all work 40 hours a week. That’s a thousand hours a week or 52,000 hours a year. Oh hell, with maternity leaves and vacations, let’s round it off to 50,000.” However, there’s no way you can convince me (remember, I’ve worked in tee vee news) that there are 25 people slaving away 40 hours a week on nothing but Beck Opposition Research.

Oh, sure, they may do some research between making calls, answering calls, prerecording segments, having daily staff meetings to decide the show line-up, and getting coffee. But 40 hours of research by 25 people each and every week?

However, let’s assume for the sake of argument, that Beck actually has some researchers. It’s only safe to assume at least one of these crack researchers (read: intern) is assigned to read this blog. So, I’m going to address all you researchers directly. Gather around, research team.

I’ll be frank. You people make a lot of mistakes and rarely any corrections.

Here’s just one example: On Monday, when you had Glenda out there whining about being named Misinformer of the Year, you had him say, about Media Matters, “They weren’t able to come up with a single lie or piece of actual misinformation.” Yet in all that research you must have overlooked the article in which he was actually given the award. How could you miss it? It ran more than 4,000 words, 316 lines, comprising 66 paragraphs, which ran over 9 pages. What’s more, it had links’o’plenty to make the case that, indeed, Glenn Beck was most deserving of the Misinformer of the Year Award. Case closed.

This just makes Glenda look foolish, guys. You hang him out there with misinformation and it’s not you, the lowly researcher, who comes off looking like an idiot. No, it’s the erstwhile host—your hero—that comes off looking like the world’s biggest doofus. Really, just ask yourself: How ridiculous is it to have Glenn misinforming his audience while he’s complaining that he’s unfairly being named a misinformer???

Media Matters appears to have had enough of the lies and smears and misinformation that you researchers feed Beck. Eric Burns, President of MMFA, sent a letter to Glenn Beck this week. If you were really good researchers you would have ferreted it out by now. Just in case you haven’t, it says, in part, that MM has installed a “Beck Phone,” on which he can call and refute any of the 17 specific “false claims” Beck made that were laid out in the body of the letter. I know, it’s not a spiffy Red Phone, like Glenda has, but it’s still a working number.

Call them or case closed.

Another mistake that you guys made TWICE this week, which made Beck look foolish TWICE this week, is when you had him whining about SEIU having given him another Year End Award, Fearmonger In Chief, without any facts. I hate to break it to you, but it wasn’t SEIU who gave him that award, it was the Anti-Defamation League. But I can see your confusion. The SEIU blog did refer to the award on its web site with a headline that reads “Glenn Beck Crowned America’s #1 Fearmonger In Chief.” However, the article below has nothing to do with that award. The SEIU screwed up. The article below the misleading headline was all about the MMFA Misinformer of the Year Award mentioned above.

However, surely a crack research team would have found the original citation for the Fearmonger In Chief award on the Anti Defamation League’s website, or one of the many media outlets that passed it along. Yet, all you apparently did was take a look at the SEIU website and say to yourselves, “They didn’t back that up with any proof” and so that’s what you told Glenn to say. And it was all wrong. Check my links and then apologize to your boss.

Case closed.

And so it went for days on The Glenn Beck Liars Poker Hour this week. He went over all the evidence that he had repeated ad infinitum during the year proving Obama’s White House, helped and abetted by the Progressive Movement, is “fundamentally transforming our nation,” which is now becoming a mainstream conservative meme. Time after time, Beck intoned “Case closed” and shook his red phone in the air.

Because the week was a rehash of so-called evidence from last year, that he’s rehashed many times over already, it was something of a boring week for me, if not for the researchers. However, there was some high drama on Thursday. Remember that silly little thing that had the nation all in a kerfuffle? The underwear bomber guy? The guy that almost succeeded in murdering more than 300 people on a plane over Detroit? It was in all the papers.

At approximately 5:07 ET, all news networks, including Faux Noise, cut away to a live press conference being held by Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano. However, Faux Noise obviously felt a press conference about National Security, following a close call in the air, was too boring. “We’d been led to believe there would be shocking things coming out of this report. I read it. I can’t find the shocking” Shep said, as if that excused cutting away from the most important news of the day to go back to Beck.

When Glenda returned, he said, “Alright, before we went to break we talked about…”, which is just more proof that there are some days Beck prerecords his show. One of my favourite games is to determine which shows are live and which are prerecorded.

Whenever there is Breaking News like this, my mind always goes to my days in live television. Here’s how Thursday’s scenario played out in my mind:

Glenn Beck is sitting in his multi-million dollar house, on his multi-million dollar couch, watching his million-dollar self on his multi-million dollar big screen tee vee. Just as he plunks another pork rind into his mouth, suddenly he’s no longer on his big screen tee vee. It’s Janet Napolitano’s big mug up there instead!!!

No one can be privy to the very angry telephone conversations that ensued, but less than 15 minutes later Beck was back on my screen, while Janet Napolitano talked for another 28 minutes, or so, on all the other news networks. Which ‘only shows to go you’ that on the Fox News Channel, Glenn Beck’s fear mongering is more important than national security. Case closed.

I also think Beck’s widdle feelings were hurt over this incident, not the first time his show was interrupted by events out of the White House. All week he promised us that this is “case closed.” He promised that after you watch these FIVE important shows, after he closes the case on last year, he’s moving on. All 5 days would be important. Don’t miss a single one, he insisted on Monday.

Except he didn’t follow his own advice. What did he do on Friday, after being blanked out for 15 minutes on Thursday? Beck played hooky. He got Judge Andrew Napolitano (no relation) to fill in for him. And what did Judge Napolitano play off the top of the show? The entire 20 minute segment that had been stepped on the previous day by Janet Napolitano.

It’s interesting that Glenn didn’t even bother to show up for (or prerecord, for that matter) a Friday show to close out his Case Closed Week. I suspect it was because the notoriously thin-skinned Beckster was still licking his wounds at not being able to present his case as he would liked, uninterrupted. He had to have been pouting, otherwise he would have finished the series of FIVE shows that he claimed on Monday had taken him a month and a half to prepare, containing the brilliance of those 50,000 hours of research.

Case closed.

Beck also managed, as I predicted just last week he would, to piss off two more groups, one far larger and more significant than the other. It’s easy to dismiss “Birthers,” as Glenn has done. However, now the Birthers are fighting back, trying to jam the phone lines to his radio show. The Becketeer has taken notice. It’s a White House plot.

The other group he pissed off is one he’s already in hot water with, but that’s never stopped Beck before. This week on his Drama Radio Theatre, he said, “African-American is a bogus, PC, made-up term. I mean, that’s not a race. Your ancestry is from Africa and now you live in America.” It does beg the question: Just what word does he want to use?

Beck has very few Black friends. Case closed.

Hopefully, when The Beck Machine sputters back into life next week he’ll finally move on as well, like he’s been promising, and bring us a different kind of show. Unless he plans to tell us what we missed when he skipped out of work on Friday.

With all my love,
Aunty Em

Editor's Note: Was it just a coincidence that the show chosen for Beck's Saturday re-run was not a re-run from any of last week's shows, as they usually do, but a re-run of the November, 2009 special in which Beck gathered a Phil Donohue-esque studio audience of black conservatives for a show that could have been called, "See, there are plenty of black people I actually like!"