Home Store In Memoriam Deborah Newsletter Forum Topics Blogfeed Blogroll Facebook MySpace Contact Us About

Glenn Beck Finally Announces His 100 Year Plan on His Show

Reported by Guest Blogger - November 25, 2009 -

Guest blogged by Aunty Em

It was a whirlwind 3 days for The Glenn Beck Big Black Bus. After 7 or 8 or 9 book signings over 3 days, throughout Virginia, Georgia and Florida, Ben Gleck was finally able to bask in the adoration of the largest assembly of Beckerheads on this book tour, as some 25,000 people gathered in (at?) The Villages, Florida on Saturday.

Beckereeno had been denied this pleasure at his own 9/12 Teabagging Dance Party on, err, 9/12. Maybe cooler heads at Faux Noise prevailed, but when those people gathered, Beck was not there to address his flock, despite having promoted it for months. Imagine how galling it must have been to be the reason all those Patriots gathered in Washington, D.C. and not be able to be there in person.

It’s even possible it’s been gnawing away at him this whole time. How can one be the savior of the country and not be able to luxuriate in the reflected glory of your sheeple?

On Friday, pre-Villages, this intrepid reporter stood in line for 6 hours to shake Blech’s hand, look into his eyes, and introduce myself. He had other things on his mind. While you can read all about it here, I realized I left out some of the flavour of the event.

First and foremost, all the people that I overheard honestly and truly believe the country is almost lost. Either ‘Merka is already Socialist, or is about to become Socialist. President Obama was a monumental mistake and, elections be damned, the sooner he is out of the White House the better off this whole country will be. While I never heard any ‘eliminationist’ talk or racist language, there was still a whole lot of ‘poor us disaffected, disenfranchised, white folk, relegated to the back of the bus’ victimology stuff going on.

These people are afraid. It was even more apparent they are looking to The Becketeer for answers because he’s the only one telling them the truth. They happily identify with his 9/12 Movement.

On Saturday both actors in this equation were sated (at least for the moment). Glenn “The Plan” Beck stood on The Village Green (I’m hoping that’s what they call it there) and allowed the love to wash over him from 25-thousand Beckerheads, and this is before Faux News inflates the numbers.

The southern swing was similar to George Carlin (R.I.P.) taking some material on the road before taping an HBO Special. By the time the cameras are rolling, you’ve refined it to the best material. “The Plan” would be rolled out wide on Monday’s show, but until then it didn’t hurt to field test the material.

The chutzpah, the hubris, the nutty conspiracy theories were all on display at (in?) The Villages when Beckereeno announced that he is going to spend the next year putting together a “team of advisors" to talk to me about finance and foreign policy, and education and defense and social issues and energy and health care!”

It’s about time he educated himself on these issues instead of glossing over the basics to promote his wacky conspiracy theories.

Of course, since he’s the one choosing the advisors, I don’t really expect his Kitchen Cabinet to cook up anything too spicy, just something palatable to those who prefer the bland. It will, no doubt, have the same tried and true ingredients of The Glenn Beck Show Monday through Friday, 5PM EST and his radio show (which, admittedly I have only sampled in clips posted elsewhere).

How to make Beck Stew:

Take equal parts SEIU, Van Jones, NEA, Socialists, Anita Dunn, Fascists, ACORN, Mao, and Obama and toss into a huge cauldron, because it’s more dramatic than a toaster-oven. Add one frog. Heat to a boil. Continue stirring the pot.

However, it won’t be like this for much longer. Beckereeno’s also promising a whole new kind of show in the new year. Oh goodie, I can’t wait. In point of fact he’s become boring. It’s like when Lenny Bruce, one of the greatest comedians ever, could only talk about his obscenity trials and read court transcripts. He ceased to be funny. Becker’s just not funny anymore and really does need some new material. Let’s hope this try-out works and gives him something new to save ‘Merka.

The Ben Gleck Village People Macrame Love Fest™ was also told that after his advisors advise, he’ll write a new book called, tentatively, “The Plan.” (Great tie-in!) What’s more, he will hold the biggest rally yet on August 28th, “at the feet of Abraham Lincoln in Washington, D.C.” He forgot to mention the fact that it’s also the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” Speech. However, he needn’t have bothered, because the Villages has a very interesting population demographic:

Races in The Villages:
• White Non-Hispanic (97.2%)
• Hispanic (1.3%)
• Black (0.5%)

Why would they concern themselves with such an anniversary?
Here’s another stat worth looking at: Median resident age of The Villages, Florida: 66.3 years. Florida median age: 38.7 years. This is the demographic that loves to fear fear itself. Beck is singing to the choir. [Which also explains why quitter Sarah Palin will be in (at?) The Villages to sign her colouring book this week.]

Dreck was in true form at (in?) The Villages. Media Matters has this lovely clip called “Glenn Beck's Alternate History of the Statue of Liberty.” It rivals his recent critique of New York architecture for sheer goofiness. But, if you watch it at all, please note this: when Beck recites poetry he has the rapt attention of the Village People. When he needs cheers, jeers, or laughs, The Village Idiots are right there, but it’s the silence he gets when he wants it that’s impressive. These people would follow him anywhere, even if he changed his name to Jim Jones.

But it’s not just The Book called “The Plan” or “The Plan” called “The Plan” or The Martin Luther King Rally (which might still be called “The Plan” eventually. Stay tuned.) that Beck is promising. He’s also promising re-education camps, I mean conventions where, “You’re gonna get up early on a Saturday morning and you’re going to go to bed late. And you are gonna learn about history. You’re gonna learn about finance. You’re gonna learn about [sneer] ‘community organizing.’”

The first convention is in Orlando, so I guess it’s drivable if I feel up to looking him in the eyes again.

With the big tee vee roll-out of The Plan for Monday, I prepared a slow-cooking meal for Pops in advance. I didn’t want to miss a minute of the new comedy routine.

I could have saved myself the trouble. Monday’s show was quite dull. Despite having road-tested the material, and having all the tricks of tee vee technology at his disposal, it was a dud. The only time it caught fire were the few times he played a clip of himself in (at?) The Villages.

There was one cute little segment that updated his analogy from The Villages. It was something about The Ship of State being The Titanic, which was driven into an iceberg by the previous administration. Then we got a new captain and crew, and Obama backed the ship up and then started ramming the ship faster and harder into the iceberg.
Maybe Shreck realized he’s no James Cameron and couldn’t actually sink the Titanic in his dinky tee vee studio, so he had to introduce new props: Two coffins. One was labeled “Republicans” and the other “Democrats.” They’re both burying us, you see? But the Republican is hammering nails into the coffin with a hammer, while the Democrat is using screws with a high-speed drill. Geddit? They’re both killing us, but the Democrats are doing it faster.

Other than those highlights it was a pretty tedious show. I’d give it a 4. I didn’t care much for the words and you couldn’t dance to it.

With all my love,
Aunty Em