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The Glenn Beck Week That Was; The Telephone Edition

Reported by Guest Blogger - October 18, 2009 -

Guest blogged by Aunty Em

Here on The Beck Week That Was we not only bring to you the latest smears on President Obama, SEIU, Valerie Jarrett, ACORN and all that other fun stuff, but more importantly, we bring you the hits. And here at The Home of the Hits we’ve been getting requests and dedications all week. This one’s going out to Glenn Beck, who is waiting for the phone to ring. Number One on the EmTV request line is this little ditty:

Monday, Beckerhead began with his pushback against Anita Dunn over her weekend remarks that Faux Noise is merely an arm of the Republican Party. After locating Faux Noise headquarters on a map, and surrounding it with toy soldiers.

“This is the enemy, America! Everything that’s going wrong in the country happening right here!!” he shouted. Then switching to his soft, sincere voice to re-write history, “Let me tell you something. Write this day down in your journal. Because, this is a new thing. We haven’t seen anything like this. Okay. Yeah. JFK, he did cancel the newspaper one time when he got really upset, but then he resubscribed. And there was that Enemy List with Nixon, but I think the Enemy List –I believe—that whole thing? That was just who’s not comin to state dinners. [I] could be wrong. I don’t think that they’ve used White House resources –your tax dollars— to target the media before.”

Could be wrong? He couldn’t be more wrong. Nixon used the FBI, IRS, and burglars to go after those on his Enemies List. But more importantly, look how he phrased it. Beck pushed a total falsehood out into the Marketplace of Ideas, but said he could be wrong. If called upon this, he can say “I qualified it.” But, what he really wants is for his audience, never known for its critical thinking and common sense, to buy the THREE false premises he just pushed: 1). Nixon’s Enemies List was benign; 2). The White House’s targeting of Faux Noise is unprecedented; 3). It will bring This Great Nation to its knees.

If I recall even more of my history correctly, only Russian dictators had a direct line to The White House. Not that I’m calling Ben Gleck a dictator, but he felt himself important enough to install his own direct line to the Oval Office on Tuesday. And, it’s red, like Batman's. As he introduced us to the Hot Line, Beck also told us all about his fat jacket and a new game he made up called “Six Degrees of Obama.”

The phone, Glenn explained, is so The White House can call immediately to correct any misinformation he may give. And…we’re off!!!

“I think this is fair, right? I don’t think the White House actually wants a dialogue. They want to smear, isolate, and destroy. They’ve been doing it since 1965. And they can do this now while the president looks good. And he can say, ‘I had nothing to do with it.’ See? It goes to my theory ‘The Six Degrees of Barack Obama’ and here’s how it works. This is my theory –ahem—”

And with that “This is my theory, ahem” he referenced one of the greatest comedy teams of the 20th century: Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Don’t tell me he don’t know comedy. Monty Python is celebrating 40 years this week. Beck has a way to go before he can say he’s been making people laugh for 40 years, but he’s well on his way.

Anyway, far less important is Beck’s theory which starts at the 3:50 mark below, but watch the whole thing for the phone and fat jacket explanations:

In a nutshell, the “theory” Beck expounds is that Mao and Hugo Chavez are only six degrees away from Obama, separated and insolated by White House staff. After drawing all the connections for us on the ubiquitous chalkboard, using fridge magnets with pictures these days, he shouted “Government run Health Care will turn us into this!” as he slaps the pictures of Mao and Chavez. “For the sake of the country I hope I’m not right.”

Let me see if I have this straight. First he decried how the White House is smearing Faux Noise. Then he began to smear-by-association The President of the United States of America, one of the oldest tactics in the McCarthy toolbag.

“Does it strike anyone else as Aunty Em Ericann?” Beck asked. And here all along I didn’t even think he read my column. “That’s why we have the phone.” And yet he never calls.

How is it that a man can call the president anti-American night after night and not be hauled into jail on charges of sedition and treason? Oh yeah, that pesky First Amendment that Beck said on Monday the government wants to take away.

Since he yabbered all week, and the phone never rang, we are to infer that everything he said was the truth and I guess that goes for Nixon’s Enemies List, too. Yet, as we have seen with frogs, Beck is not above using props that may, or may not, be real. Was the phone connected? Who knows, but there was someone from his show sitting by, waiting, in case it rang.

Our next hit line request is an oldie, but goody, and goes out to all those lonely people sitting at home tonight waiting for the phone to ring.

By Thursday, Beck felt he could play One Degree of Obama when he found a video of Anita Dunn praising Mao. “The reason why this phone hasn’t rung all week is because the most important political philosopher, for her, is Mao Sze-Tung, and oh, Mother Teresa.” That would be like me saying to you, “Haw, you know who my favorite political philosopher is? Adolph Hitler. Have you read Mein Kampf?”

But Media Matters has found that Glenn Beck has read Hitler’s book and grouped him among the best minds of the past.

Let’s face facts: All anyone really cares about is to know when Glenn takes another trip to Crazy Land and/or cries. Hell, it’s the only reason to tune in. Well, he did both simultaneously: he waxed nostalgic for that halcyon time in America where tee vee commercials were enough to make you cry. And cry he did.

“If a politician told you right now, he could make that happen again. You could go back to those simpler times, when people were together, you’d do it in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?”

Which is exactly the point Noam Chomsky made this week, that pundity of the like of Beck (not named), Limbaugh, and Savage (both named) is leading us down a road on which someone who claims to have all the answers can sweep to power like happened in the late Weimar Germany in the ‘30s. While it’s another Nazi comparison, I don’t think it’s far off the mark.

But let’s go back to Crazy Land, where Beck gathered us at his feet and told us a little story. “America! We’ve been at a party we weren’t supposed to be at. The two kids that were driving us there. They said, ‘Oh Don’t worry. Nothing’s gonna happen. You’re not gonna get caught. And, you had a moment there where you wanted to obey your parents and you were like, ‘Okay’ ‘cause everyone’s doing it. And then you’re there and you were supposed to be, they promised you that we would leave by midnight. They promised you that. And now it’s almost 2 o’clock and you find yourself at the party, where you haven’t really done anything, but you smell like pot and your friend spilled beer all over you. You’re way out way past curfew and you don’t know what to do any more. You’re going to get your butt kicked. We’re facing the same choice now. Do you remember what our parents said? ‘Just come home and tell me the truth. We’ll get through this.’”

I can just hear him trying to tell his father at the end of that long evening, “No Dad. I didn’t smoke pot. I was just holding it for a friend. My eyes? I’m just tired. Beer? No. My friend thought it would be funny to pour a beer on me. Really!”

Watch the clip for the teenage comedy, but stay for the tears.

Friday’s show was, apparently, another pre-recorded show where doctors talked about why they hate Health Care using the same misinformation and scare tactics we’ve seen elsewhere. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Let me leave you with what was my favourite poem growing up, when America was great and no one apologized for anything.

Eletelephony
by Laura E. Richards
(1850-1943)

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant-
No! no! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone-
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)

Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk:
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee-
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

With all my love,

Aunty Em