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Conservative Talking Points I Phone App (As seen on Fox News)

Reported by Guest Blogger - October 12, 2009 -

Guest blogged by notveryhow

I was watching Fox and Friends Weekend yesterday (10/11/09). Just the usual tripe. There was a discussion of Obama's proposal for a Consumer Financial Protection Agency. The Chamber of Commerce is opposed (surprise!). The discussion featured a woman (sorry, didn't catch her name) from Fox Business in the usual floozy make-up and short skirt.They switched cameras from the usual full frontal to a side angle revealing a hip to ankle leg shot that would have given Cyd Charisse (I'm old, you look it up) a run for the money. Then I heard a report on the new "Conservative Talking Points" I-Phone App, designed to aid conservatives in discussions with those pesky liberals. I chuckled, thinking that "The Onion" had punked Fox again with a parody they thought was real. But curious, I looked it up. Lo and behold, it's real. With video.

The App was written by a Texan, John Deans, who said ""Glenn Beck inspired me during the April Tea Party Protest event in San Antonio to create Conservative Talking Points as a way to save our country from socialism and financial ruin. Looks like we may have had the same idea."

The App features 50 irrefutable talking points such as the "Global Warming-Climate Change Hoax". That's the one where rogue climatologists began, 40 years ago, to make up mathematics, physics and computer models warning of a change in CO2 concentration affecting the climate, and then enlisted the aid and active cooperation of thousands of scientists worldwide to not refute this fake science, but to develop more supporting studies. They have even gained the cooperation of walrus-loving NASA satellites to produce fudged telemetry data and photo-shopped images of melting sea ice. And all for the purpose of subjugating America by forcing us to eat raw food and drive electric Yugos.

Another of these talking points is "Demonstrations- Debate vs Anarchy", which I assume explains how carrying guns and shouting down opposition at town halls conveys important information to an "informed electorate," yelling "You lie" is an aid to meaningful dialogue, and in any case it's certainly better than what the liberals do.

But wait, there's more. Included in the App are over 250 FACTS, drawn from such sources as Fox News, Canada Free Press, Town Hall, World Net Daily, and, last but not least, Glenn Beck. Under the combined weight of all these luminous sources, how can any liberal argument prevail? We're "do diddily doomed!!"

So the next time you're arguing with a conservative, and you feel tempted to yell "You're just repeating talking points! You couldn't process more information than contained in your average Tweet!," know that they might just respond with "You're right, and I'm damned proud of it."