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The Glenn Beck Week That Was: The Slavery Edition

Reported by Guest Blogger - October 11, 2009 -

Guest blogged by Aunty Em

I got nothing.

It’s not for a lack of trying. I responded to Glenda Beck’s rallying cry during Monday’s show opener, “If you think this country is great, but corruption is bringing us down, stand up, get a pencil, and follow me!” With video.

I did him one better. I grabbed a pen because I wanted a permanent record. Besides, us elitists don’t use pencils.

That explains why I have copious notes this week, but why they don’t make sense. It’s as if Beck’s reading my mind when he says off the top of the show, “Things don’t make sense.”

“Nobody is asking questions.”

Nobody but Beck, that is, to hear him tell it. And, he’s much maligned as of late. “Lindsey Graham keeps calling me a cynic. I am not a cynic. I believe in The American Dream™!”

Yet day after day he describes An American Nightmare™.

More disconnected thoughts from Monday’s show: “I think we are running out of time.” “Another piece of the puzzle.” “Our Republic is being stolen by our politicians.”

What’s a Patriot to do?

One problem with trying to describe the weekly (weakly?) sweep of the Glenn Beck Comedy Hour™ is that he recycles so many pieces of video from previous shows that it’s almost like an Anniversary Clip Show. That’s why, once again, for the umpteenth time, Beckeroni showed the 2001 clip of President Obama talking about Civil Rights and the redistribution of wealth.

“Social Justice is taking money from one group and giving it to another!!” Like we did for bankers? Like the car-makers? Like the stock markets? Like the insurance companies? Like massive bailouts for everybody, but those who are really suffering on Main Street? See, I can ask questions too.

Then, like a spectre from Halloweens past, Beckster played the clip that introduced Joe the Plumber, who was neither a “Joe” nor a “plumber,” to the world.

Remember that old chestnut? It was, again, about redistributing wealth. The implication Breck seemed to be making was that Brave Joe, who seem not to have served in uniform, asked a hard question …just like he does!!! And, “What happened? Joe the Plumber was destroyed.” “You don’t ask about Marxism.”

Remember, I’m just trying to make sense of my notes, one of which said, “Michael Moore compared to Mussolini?!?!” with nothing following. I don’t even remember writing it down because Beck went off on a stunning riff that caught my fuller attention: “Look, this show makes people uncomfortable every night. Good! Good! It's good to ask honest questions that make you uncomfortable. It makes you think out of the box... I tell you all the time, I'm not a journalist. I'm not. I've joked that I'm a rodeo clown, but you know what? I take that back. I no longer am a rodeo clown. I am a dad, and quite frankly, I'm a little pissed off right now.”

Then he introduced us to a new villain in his Gallery of Evil™, Deepak Bhargava. Since that was a new one on me, I used the Googlopolis to find out he’s the Executive Director for the Center for Community Change, a non-profit organization that “develop[s] the power and capacity of low-income people, especially low-income people of color, to change the policies and institutions that affect their lives.”

Does that sound familiar at all? It’s similar to ACORN, a non-profit looking out for the least of us. But to Beckola, it’s all related. After telling us that Bhargava, as far as he knew, had no connection to Barack Obama, Beck then connected Bhargava up to the White House in 3 different ways. Another take-over by stealth. Another Trojan horse.

Then it was back to the Themes Du Jour: Beck stands alone against corruption and “the fringe media” is not doing its job.

“Capitalism has been perverted,” was one of the few statements he’s ever made that I could both understand and agree with. Then he lost me again. “We want a fair handshake.” As the old (racist) joke quotes Tonto, “What do you mean we, paleface?”

Then back to the criticism he took (thin skin, Beck?) over his cheerleading against the You Ess Eh for Chicago’s 2016 Olympic bid. Jumping immediately to Afghanistan, Beck asked which is more important? I thought, we can only do one, not both? Can’t the You Ess Eh multi-task?

As Beck walked back to The Chalkboard, he labeled Deepak, using sarcasm, “just a community organizer,” one of those using stealth and Trojan horses to radically transform ‘Merka. Now he was going to tie it all together for us. On the board was written:

3 INGREDIENTS NEEDED FOR TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE

1). Visionary Leader

2). Financial/Foreign Policy Crisis

3). Social Movement

…and with this last, he rattled off The Ben Gleck Litany of Villainy™ all over again: ACORN, SEIU, newly-elevated-to-evil-status Deepak, who was then shown saying something about a “breakdown of all paradigms.”

“Does that sound familiar at all?” asked the non-conspiracy nut Beck? To me it sounded like more of the same. Smear by association. The New McCarthyism. Call it what you like.

“Ask yourself this question: Do we have firefighters working for us, or arsonists?” he asked, not self-aware enough to realize that his incendiary rhetoric might only be adding fuel to a potential conflagration.

Every monologue has to end strong, with a good punchline, and this is the moment of truth both literally and figuratively. “You can call me names. You can make fun of me -- whatever. I'm doing what I believe is right. I am doing a job as a private citizen right now. I'd love to have The New York Times, The Washington Post, a duo like Woodward and Bernstein, even if they would just go for the Pulitzer, even if they didn't believe it, just go for the Pulitzer, would you? I'd love for them to look into these things so, quite frankly, I didn't have to.”

I watch ACORN so you don’t have to? Where have I heard that slogan before?

Beck is the bulwark. The Last Bastion. The only one brave enough—or crazy enough—to go up against all those who would destroy This Great Nation. His show is “The Alamo for truth.”

It’s certainly a bit bizarre he’d use the Alamo as an analogy. I just finished reading Lies My Teacher Told Me and just started reading Lies Across America, both by James W. Loewen. What Loewen’s books tell us about The Alamo is that most of what we learned from our history books veers pretty far from what we would consider 100% truth.

In summation, Beck made another pitch for his two, count ‘em, two Fink Programs. WATCHDOG is where the average citizen can go to his web site (I’ll have to visit it one day) and report corruption. Then there’s the Refounders “Rat Out Your Own Party” Snitch Line. He’s still claiming the same 5 Refounders, so progress appears to be stalled on that front.

I was scribbling as fast as I could, and trying to keep up, when I lost track and only heard two words clearly that he was accusing of others of employing: “Yellow Journalism.” That’s all I wrote because I laughed all the way through the commercial break that followed. IRONY ALERT: Is The Yellow Kid really accusing others of practicing Yellow Journalism? Is this a case of the banana calling the lemon yellow?

And that’s just the first 20 minutes of the first show of the First Monday in October. I have 63 further pages of notes that take me through the rest of the week. Don’t expect a play-by-play. Far too many notes and life’s too short. Here’s a highlight:

Late on Monday’s show he played a clip where someone said, quite accurately, that people are dying for a lack of Health Care. “Show me the people who are literally dying in the streets,” he demanded. Even though some 45,000 people a year, one every 12 minutes, die for lack of access to adequate health care – he’s probably right once again (isn’t he always?). It’s likely that a very small percentage of those poor folks literally died on the streets. Too few to mention, at any rate.

Tuesday’s show started with piles of real money all over his desk and he spent most of the show moving it around, from one pile to another. This somehow proved conclusively that Socialism is just around the corner.

So did the following: “America can fail without vigilance.” “I’m an optimist. Let me take that back. I’m a realist.” “I think we’re infested by Beetles.” “We are the people who conquered the west.”

Another bizarre analogy. If one views the history of all of the Americas from anything OTHER than a Euro-Centric point-of-view, the “we” in Beck’s statement has nothing to be proud of and a lot to answer for. [Again: Loewen.]

A cute little sketch came later when Beckster chided Obama for his photo op with the doctors all wearing lab coats. So what? Back when President Bush posed for his photo op with the troops in Iraq with a Thanksgiving turkey, I didn’t hear Faux Noise tell people it was a fake turkey, with fake trimmings, on a fake platter, by a fake president, in a fake war started over fake WMDs. While doctors have actually been known to wear lab coats, I’m still trying to find evidence of another president serving ersatz turkey.

At one point Beck slapped on a tweed sports coat, with leather patches on the elbow, and pulled out a pipe. In his best Thurston Howell the Third imitation, Beck added more props, “big books make you smart, you know.” I shouldn’t take it personally, but I felt he was making fun of elitists like me, who use a pen instead of a pencil.

On Wednesday, Beck said, “Oh boy, here we go down the crazy hole again” and the whole show was just more of the same old, same old. After a while I started talking back in a call and response mode, as if I were in The Church of the Holy Beckian at Elysian Fields, talking back to my tee vee.

“I’m just a dad asking questions.” Yeah. A dad with a megaphone.

“The media isn’t doing it’s job,” following YOUR lead, as opposed to digging up stories like a real reporter? Izzat really it, Glenn?

“They just think you’re too stupid…” which is a given, if they are buying all this manure YOU’RE shoveling.

“Maybe somebody can put on a white jacket,” and pretend to be a doctor to explain it. Hil-larry-us! Let’s make fun of educated people. Doncha know? Stupid is the new Smart.

“There is no bankruptcy court for America.” I think that’s Chapter 11 of YOUR book “How to Fool Idiots.” (Geddit? Chapter 11?)

“When the going gets tough, Americans show up.” I don’t know about you, but one would hope they’d do more than show up. Maybe Americans show up and go shopping.

“Troubled times: WWI, WWII, The ‘60s.” SNORT! The ‘60s troubled? Not for me. I loved the ‘60s and wish we had retained more of the idealism of those days. YOU were born in 1964. What the hell do You know about the ‘60s, Glenn?

“You telling me that the country can’t pull itself by its own bootstraps?” First, one has to have bootstraps. Maybe Italy has bootstraps.

“Have you read the history of the Weimar Republic?” Hoo boy.

“The Lords of Finance…” Izzat a Francis Ford Coppola movie?

“Radicals and revolutionaries…” No. That’s the Coppola move, I’m sure.

“Have you read the history of America lately?” Why? Has it changed lately Glenn? History is history.

“Real Americans fight to the last man to win.” You win, Glenn. I can’t top that. Besides, me and Pops are laughing so hard at my shouting back at tee vee that I lose the thread, if there ever was one.

Late in the show he returned to the subject of his Refounders “ratting out their own party.” “I have 5 brave people” he claimed and then made the unbelievable statement, “I don’t even know who they are.” I know Faux Noise is fond of anonymous sources, but I didn’t think they were anonymous to the network.

Thursday was a theme show, just like Mike Douglas used to do. It was all about the H1N1 flu and this show was a public service to highlight the pros and cons on both sides of the immunization debate.

“How much do you trust your government?”

For once he kept his opinion to himself, saying he did not want to influence the audience. He merely wanted to provide information to all the parents in order that they may make an informed choice. Yet, before he even brought on the experts, he talked about the coming pandemic and listed the estimated 40 million people who died worldwide in the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918-19 and the 70,000 U.S. dead in the 1957-58 flu epidemic.

As the experts went back and forth I felt I was being badly served by the information. In the end I felt no better off having heard both sides because there was no way to evaluate which side in the debate is right.

And that’s when Beck scared the bejesus out of me. “It really is only a matter of time before another pandemic.” I calmed down once I realized the same could be said for a game-changing meteor crashes into Earth and destroys Life As We Know It.

While it didn’t happen on the Beckerhead show, Stephen Colbert had a great take on Froggy Beck that you really need to see: "Clearly Glenn Beck is as sincere in what he says and does as I am in believing that baby carrots are trying to turn me gay." (our link)

I was really looking forward to Friday’s show. Let me explain. Early that morning I logged onto the NASA feed to watch them bomb the moon (we have to fight them up there so we don’t have to fight them down here), and was reading some news sites at the same time. Over the wires came the surprising news that President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.

I just couldn’t wait to see Beck’s head explode. Because he had no reaction to the news it proved, once again, that Beck’s Friday’s shows are canned, not live. Some of the shows during the week are live because he reacts to the news update on the half hour. However, it’s looking more and more like Beck takes Friday off.

As much as I’d like the day off, Beck said something so stunning on his pre-recorded show that I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. As Beck’s show continues to shed advertisers, (links) he’s going all in. He doesn’t want the census to count illegal immigrants and illegal immigration is modern day slavery. Really. No kidding. Then he gave us a revisionist history of The Constitution that really has to be heard to be believed. Beck told us why Blacks only counted as 3/5ths of a human being and, according to Beck, it was all the Founding Fathers fault. Southerners wanted slaves to count as one whole person, while Northerners didn’t want to count them at all. The 3/5ths of a human being was, apparently, a compromise. I’ve never heard anything about this, but then he goes on a lot about stuff I’ve never heard of before.

Here it is in 2 segments. I know it’s a lot to watch, but you’ll get a much better idea of what amounts to Ben Gleck Crazy than if I tried to paraphrase all that crazy.

See you next week. I’m looking forward to Monday’s show where Beck finally reacts to the Nobel Peace Prize. I do hope his head explodes.

With all my love,

Aunty Em