The Beck Week That Was
Reported by Ellen - September 7, 2009 -
Many of you know our long-time community member, Aunty Em. It' turns out she's a Glenn Beck watcher and she's got lots to say about him. We've asked her to share her thoughts about the Beck week that was each weekend and with her own ironic take. Hope you enjoy!
From Aunty Em
Some people say “Be careful what you ask for.” I’ve always wanted to write for Newshounds and I’ve now seen that dream come to fruition.
On the downside: I’m on board The Glenn Beck Crazy Train, which is barreling down the track at breakneck speed. All the cars are rocking from side to side violently. The porter has just informed us that the airbrakes have been cut and Ben Gleck has jammed the deadman’s switch with a copy of his re-write of “Common Sense.”
That’s when I wake up bathed in sweat again.
My guilty pleasure has been to watch The Glenn Beck Show – for my money the funniest sitcom on television. An hour of Beck has more lulz than an episode of Seinfeld. However, now that I’ve agreed to put back on my retired News Hat and report on the antics of Beck, and the Beck Family of Entertainers, I’m finding it harder to laugh.
Not that he’s any less funny than he was before. Perish the thought. It’s just that I’m scribbling so fast that The Beckster is already setting up the punchline to the next joke, while I’m still trying to digest the last one. Thank goodness for the innertubes, because he’s as impossible to transcribe in real time as Jack Van Impe, an assignment I once actually had before the You of the Tube.
But, mostly it’s the dreams that are getting to me because they are too close to reality. Watching Beck’s show is not unlike being on that train barreling thru’ a series of stations without stopping. Flitting from one absurd plotline to another, it’s hard to keep track of the ensemble cast of characters and how they all relate to each other. It’s a damned good thing The Glenn Guy, as Loofah Lad calls him, uses a chalkboard. It’s of immense help.
Here’s what I’ve gleaned so far. It’s clear that the bad neighbours, and the ones keeping the Village hopping mad, live in that garishly painted White House at one end of Pennsylvania Avenue, while the other end of the avenue is The Dome reserved for the enablers. At least that seems to be this season’s overreaching story arc.
This week Beck did something a little different, a sort of a mini-series; a 4-episode story arc that, at first blush, looked like it might have legs. I thought Van Jones might be a character we’d see all season, but it now looks like he’s gone the same way Tim Considine disappeared from My Three Sons — an event referred to ever since as the “Mike Douglas Kiss Off” whenever one of your fave tee vee characters disappears.
The entire week felt like it was leading towards a dramatic denouement. As The Beckster pontificated all week about Van Jones, only Faux Noise seemed to care. None of the other comedy networks seemed to take notice.
Not that all story lines this week were devoted to the Van Jones story arc. One of the beauty things about Beck is that no matter what the main plot point, he still has time to take us on side trips to introduce his vast viewing audience to new characters.
This week he introduced us to Ben Gleck, Art Critic & Historia, where, for the first time ever in recorded history, it was revealed the Rockefellers, the First Family of Finance, were really the First Family of Fascists. Or was that Communists? Or Socialists? I can’t remember, but it really doesn’t matter because in Beck’s World they all seem interchangeable.
We hardly need to review Beck’s thesis because Jonathan and Priscilla covered it so well.
However, when Thursday’s show began I knew I was right that the week had been leading to SOMETHING BIG. Beck began the show by telling us he had new information about Van Jones. Information that would shock us to the core!!! But to be fair (and balanced – can’t have one without the other) he was giving the White House until 5:30 PM EST to make a comment before he revealed this shocking piece of information. Then Beck, sounding more like a villain in a 007 movie than a tee vee comedian, put up a countdown clock and warned President Obama he had 30 minutes or else he’d reveal This! Shocker!! To!!! The!!!! Nation!!!!! At one point Beck looked directly at the camera, breaking the 4th wall just like George Burns always did, and warned The White House, with all the seriousness of Doctor Doom, “You’ve got 17 minutes.”
See what I mean? Where can you get comedy like this?
And, High Drama. The clock is counting down to zero. The building tension is killing me, I have to admit. I’m hooked. I have to stay. I have to know. Pops will have to wait for his dinner. He’s 83. He’s used to waiting.
And then it came. The moment everyone was waiting for. The DOOMSDAY clock read 00:00. Beck asked someone off camera if there had been any comment from the White House on the fax machine. (Fax?) The answer was “No.” Here it is. The LITERAL moment of truth.
What’s the earth-shattering news about Van Jones? The news that will change everything? The news so mind-blowing that it couldn’t be revealed until the White House had a chance to comment?
But first, a 3 minute commercial break. Are you kidding me? Doesn’t anyone at Fox know how to set a countdown clock so that it doesn’t run out just before a hard break?
After the 3 minutes of adverts it was time for a news break. Only after that did Glenn Beck reveal that Van Jones is a 9/11 Truther.
To be honest it was anti-climatic compared to the build-up. Regardless, Beck had accomplished what he set out to do: He got the other comedy networks to pay attention because the next day they were all yabbering about Van Jones, if not Ben Gleck.
Friday’s show was even more of an anti-climax. But there was a great bit of stunt casting, for which these sitcoms are known. Rush Limbaugh joined Glenn by phone, sadly, because I never get tired of watching those puffy cheeks dance when he gets worked up, to talk about how the Left Wing is trying to silence Conservative Talk Radio.
This is known as foreshadowing. It means we’ll hear a lot more about the Fairness Doctrine this season, even if it’s only the Right Wing actually talking about its reinstatement.
And, that’s where it stood when GB signed off on Friday. In a boon to Beck’s comedy writers, Van Jones has now chosen to leave the series before the end of the season. This still gives Beck all kinds of plot points to follow the rest of the season. No doubt we’ll meet more of his wacky neighbours as he makes connections and draws arrows on his chalkboard.
[Van Jones fans need not worry. Previous characters written out of shows often turn up again eventually, especially when the ratings warrant. Think of Dallas. The worst extreme is Tad Martin, on AMC, who went upstairs for something like wrapping paper one day and no one heard from him for years. One day he just reappeared when they had new plotlines that involved him. Van Jones could still be a reoccurring character. Only time will tell.]
No doubt Glenn Beck will now take personal credit for getting the Commie/Socialist/Fascist out of the White House. Faux Noise is already trumpeting the fact that Beck, and only Beck, had the courage to battle against The White House AND WON. And Fox Nation, true to form is having fun.
I expect he’ll be insufferable this week after this first flush of comedy success, which is just fine by me. Insufferable Glenn Beck translates to More Comedy Gold from the funniest show on television. The only thing that keeps The Glenn Beck Show from being funnier is the fact that his ardent viewers are so well-armed.
With all my love,
Aunty Em
P.S. Overhead a few nights ago at DubFest ’09. John Feldman, of Goldfish, shouted from the stage, “That’s a song for standing up for what you believe in and kicking Glenn Beck in the ass.”
