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O'Reilly on Colbert Report

Reported by Chrish - January 19, 2007 -

Updated with full video.
The much-hyped appearance happened tonight and Colbert did not disappoint. Colbert was positively giddy about "Papa Bear's" visit and in the most ingratiating and fawning manner, let his "idol" have it.

Some highlights:

At the top of the show Colbert said he has achieved his dream a mere 14 months after starting this show: getting Bill O'Reilly to appear as a guest. The crew unfurled a banner just for the occassion: "Mission Accomplished."

A few minutes later he opened the last door on his "Bill O'Reilly Advent Calendar", below. Gibson, Cavuto and Hannity were the three wise men, lol, Anderson Cooper was the angel Gabriel, Joseph was himself, Colmes was the ass ("no surprises"), Colbert was the Virgin Mary, and O'Reilly was the baby Jesus.

Before O'Reilly came on stage there was a montage of clips, first of O'Reilly and then Colbert's take on that same scene. It wound up with a FOX-like three-way split scrren, BOR on the left (mwahaha) and Colbert on the right and a guest in the center. Colbert "did" O'Reilly's rant at this woman, in synch, nearly word for word and complete with hand gestures. Did Colbert go to "hand school" too?

O'Reilly, unlike all Colbert's other guests, walked onto the set to a seated Colbert (with the "Mission Accomplished" banner as background.)

O'Reilly asked if Colbert had read his book, and Colbert said he did, in more ways than one; he's living it. He held up the book, a Barnes and Noble 30% off sticker covering O'Reilly's face,
and said day one he got that great deal. We finally find out that O'Reilly is not on the moon for that photo, he is in the Grand Canyon "claiming it for America." Colbert lead him into describing the "culture war" between secular progressives like Colbert (who immediately denied it, saying he is a deeply religious man who would do anything BOR said) and traditionalists like himself, who think America is noble and well-founded. He admits that we make mistakes, but we admit them - it was, he says, a huge mistake for him to come on Colbert's show.

Asked what's the most destructive to America, activist judges, gay marriage, illegal immigration, or NBC News, O'Reilly didn't hesitate to say NBC, which incorporates all the others into their presentation. It got scary for a minute as O'Reilly tried to be funny. He said they're all activists over there, they're all illegal immigrants...have you seen Brian Williams passport? He's Venezuelan - he's Hugo Chavez! It's Brian Guillermo! Meanwhile, Colbert was saying that their entire programming was so un-American - c'mon "Deal or No Deal"? Pick a side - we're at war!

Colbert pissed of O'Reilly with the next bit. He asked him if he had ever infiltrated the s-p movement by going undercover, and brought out a photo of a nearly-nude kinky-looking guy with O'Reilly's head, saying he could be on Nancy Pelosi's staff in San Francisco. O'Reilly said he could be the Mayor. (The mayor of San Francisco is the ex-husband of FOX News legal analyst Kimberly Guilfoyle.) Colbert asked him if he would sign it for him and O'Reilly quickly said "no."

Colbert asked who's got the best parking space over at FOX, him or Hannity. (Parking? In NYC? These guys have drivers, but of course Colbert knows that.) Then he asked if he (BOR) could take hannity, and O'Reilly said he doesn't want to fight - they're Irish guys. Colbert looked perplexed - you're Irish guys, you don't want to fight? No, said O'Reilly, that's a cliche...Hannity
would kick my butt. Colbert persisited saying O'reilly's got the reach, and O'Reilly responded

"I'm effete. I'm not a tough guy. This is all an act. I'm sensitive. "

To which Colbert replied "If you're an act, then what am I?"

And so it ended, with Stephen getting the last laugh.

Tomorrow begins the spin.