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News & Commentary Tailor-Made by FOX Execs, Mangled by FOX Hosts

Reported by Marie Therese - June 15, 2006

During the FOX & Friends First show this morning FOX hosts Judge Andrew Napolitano, Lauren Green and Brian Kilmeade were clearly unprepared for dual segments on Afghanistan and Iraq. This led to some decidely humorous moments as they stumbled over words and occasionally mauled the meaning of what they were, quite literally, reading from their laptops. Their frequent glances at their computer screens reminded of soap opera stars who partied the night before and didn't have time to memorize their lines. I've suspected for a long time that all that's required to work at FOX News is conservative credentials and an ability to read your corporate-generated script as though the thoughts printed on the page were, in fact, your own!

LAUREN GREEN: The Taliban, sort of coming back in the past few months and this operation is meant to squeeze out that operation.

BRIAN KILMEADE: The problem is the terrain favors anybody in that region who's every defended that region because it's so hard to get to them. They've been there for years. They've been fighting for 25 years. But so have the Afghan forces. So the Afghan forces may be - many of which are Northern Alliance - that were out there sayin' "I can't get in." Now, they're the ones with the guns and we go in there with them and you just have to think that Donald Rumsfeld (sic) overseas meeting with NATO helped formulate that plan and that's what that meeting was about.

JUDGE ANDREW NAPOLITANO: I gotta tell ya' In my opinion the transfer of this to NATO (glances at his laptop, looks up) is a brilliant stroke in terms of (glances down, then up) making the coalition, making the coalition (glances down, reads) more unified and making this more (looks up) not just the U. S. that's cleaning this up but the whole western world (reading) is gonna help deliver the Afghani people back to a democracy they've never had.

Comment: Poor Judge Napolitano. Is his memory so bad that he has to read his own opinion on national television? Maybe he thought he was back in court? As for his last statement, it stands on its own as one of the funniest lines to comes across on FOX News in a long time!

KILMEADE (reading): "It marks the beginning of the end of Al Qaeda in Iraq." Those are the words from National Security Advisor Muwaffaq al-Rubaie - and by the way every time I say his name I think I'm messing with some type of suspension or Human Resources meeting, but that is his actual name! ... But, you know, I don't usually go there on camera!

NAPOLITANO: Just don't say it fast!

Comment: Will the title of Kilmeade's next book be "How to Win Friends and Influence People by Making Fun of Their Names"?

KILMEADE: And it talks about their goals. And their goal is to create anarchy and to use the Iraqis as pawns to divide and destroy the country. So the Shi'a and Sunnis - and not the Kurds, who have pretty much stayed out of this not been targeted, because they have such a great militia - but the Shi'a and Sunnis have been pushed towards a type of civil war which thankfully they have not gotten into extensively to declare it that. That is Al Qaeda's goal. Hopefully they will see that.

NAPOLITANO: Can you imagine the effect on the Iraqi people of them actually seeing in writing the plans of Al Qaeda to (reads) use, abuse, foment and destroy? (looks up) I think I'm quoting it pretty, pretty closely.

KILMEADE: Let's also talk about what's happening in Iraq.

Comment: ?????? Weren't they just discussing what's happening in Iraq? ?????

KILMEADE: 75,000 troops. Police. A hundred thousand - tens of thousands of police, mostly - mostly Iraqi forces have gone block to block, setting up checkpoints throughout and doing investigations to make sure and try to quell - as well as putting in a curfew at 8:30 at night - to quell the violence in Baghdad and, so far, there's been one car bombing, four shootings, which is - which is like a walk in the park for Baghdad!!

NAPOLITANO: Right. It's nothing for Baghdad!

KILMEADE: Yeah, that's a good day!

NAPOLITANO: I mean, you hate that there's been any car bombings but that is a very, very low number!!

KILMEADE: And then you have the kidnapping ring, too!

LAUREN GREEN (occasionally reading from her laptop): The crackdown on Al Qaeda in Iraq and we're hoping it will have repercussions throughout the Middle East and not just in Iraq.

Dream on, Lauren. Dream on!

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