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Col. David Hunt to Bill O'Reilly: Torture Now for a Better America.

Reported by Marie Therese - March 2, 2006

OK. I admit it. I can't take Bill O'Reilly anymore. While I'll continue to watch his show, this will be my last official post as I turn the O'Reilly reins over to News Hound Deborah with all my good wishes and an offer to pinch hit when she needs it. Two solid years of watching the bloviating bilious hypocrite have resulted in more than 350 posts, an average of four hours of sleep a night and an awful lot of angry, stomping rants in the wee hours of the morning as my cats cower in fear under the bed, wondering why I'm acting like the howling banshee. On March 1st I officially switched to monitoring FOX & Friends, the poison-laced cup o' froth served up in FOX's early morning time slot. So, for my last act as the O'Reilly monitor, I give you - drum roll, please ....

... Bill & Dave's Torture Follies, the heart-warming tale of a morally pure Catholic boy and the tough-as-nails soldier who befriends him. We'll tag along as they hone their "coercive interrogation" skills at Camp de Sade, Texas, where they learn the fine art of reducing prisoners to babbling lumps of jello.

Share their heartbreak as the villainous minions of the depraved left mount a nefarious assault that threatens to close down the camp.

Follow them as they set out on their long and arduous journey to Washington with the sole purpose of changing minds about torture. You'll cheer as this intrepid duo strides the corridors of power fighting for every soldier's right to deprive captives of sleep, chain them in fetal positions for hours, sexually humiliate them, herd them like cattle using dogs and electric prods, hold their heads under water until they're almost dead, release them, and do it over and over again.

Hear the heart-warming tale of their epic battle against narrow-minded, secretly funded, cowardly, liberal pinheads who vow to stop them. Watch as they battle the ACLU, Human Rights Watch, the United Nations, the World Court and public opinion, never giving in to their better natures, true to their code and the moral superiority of their message. "Torture Is Good, Torture Is Necessary, Torture Now for a Better America."

According to Bill and Dave, the United States must wake up and start torturing its enemies if it hopes to survive the war on terror! And, oh yes, FOX viewers, the Great and Powerful BOR says not to listen to the bleeding heart liberals because "[t]hey're "not lookin' out for your safety, my safety or anybody's safety."


Satirist Tom Lehrer said it a whole lot better than I can when he wrote the following

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you?
'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.


We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.

To hear more of Lehrer's outrageous and pointed humor, including Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, go to amazon.com. Scroll down the page to listen to clips of the other songs on his album An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer.

And now for the unvarnished truth, as Bill and Dave prove, in their own words, that they are beneath contempt.


O'REILLY: "Unresolved Problem" segment tonight - the interrogation of terror suspects. Writing in The New York Times today Army specialist Anthony Lagouranis says he felt badly about using muzzled dogs to intimidate suspects in Iraq. He also blames Major General Geoffrey Miller for failing to support two soldiers in trouble for abusive treatment of prisoners. They're on trial. Joining us now from Boston FOX News Military Analyst Col. David Hunt. I want to walk through this. I think this is an important segment for everybody watching tonight. This torture thing has been politicized. Would you agree with me - this whole issue ...

HUNT: Yeah. There's no ...

O'REILLY: ... of torture?

HUNT: Yeah. Absolutely.

O'REILLY: OK. It's been politicized by people who are not lookin' out for the folks. They're not lookin' out for your safety, my safety or anybody's safety. It's been used to batter the Bush administration - pardon the pun - and it's been used in a way that I think is dishonest. That's where I want to start. Now you have a guy who appeared on the PBS documentary Frontline a few months ago. Here he is.

VIDEO CLIP of Anthony Lagouranis - no sound.

O'REILLY: And he said that he felt badly about interrogating a blindfolded suspect with a dog muzzled - but the guy didn't know that 'cause he was blindfolded - and other techniques like that. It weighs on his conscience. To me, if I had to do that in a war, I don't know if I would be as sensitive as this guy, but I'm a barbarian. What say you?

HUNT: I think this kid's tortured. I think he's - I think he feels bad. I don't think he was trained right. I think he was trained to to do cold war type interrogation but not this kind type of stuff that terrorizes Muslims. I think he feels bad.

O'REILLY He doesn't say he tortured - he doesn't say he tortured anybody.

HUNT: No, I'm saying he feels tortured about it.

O'REILLY: Oh, he feels tortured.

HUNT: He feels bad.


HUNT: Yeah. I think he feels bad about it. I think he feels tough. I think this is a - it's a very tough situation for him as a human being and he's feelin' bad about it. Having said that, I think he overreaches a lot and does a lot of blaming, a lot of overstatement, but I do understand the sentiment of having to do what he did without having the right training and feeling bad about it later.

O'REILLY: Well ...

HUNT: I think he may be being used but I do think he's giving an honest feeling of how he - of what he did.

O'REILLY: OK. But I don't know if he's being used but when you make a statement as he did in his article that 90% of the people - the detainees - were innocent, you know, I'm sayin' to myself you couldn't possibly know that. You don't know.

HUNT: I think he's overreaching.

O'REILLY: You haven't, you haven't talked to 90% of 'em so you're showing some kind of bias there. But let's put him aside. Your main point is that the interrogators in the Army - and you're an Army colonel - aren't trained to do this kind of work. Is that correct?

HUNT: Yeah. There's two parts. They're not - they're clearly not trained. This young man was not and they don't have the leadership like guys like Miller - who will stand up for them after they do what they were told by the General Millers of the Army who - General Miller won't even stand up and testify. It's a terrible, terrible form of leadership by General Miller, who I know. But we have to establish a policy that allows us to do bad things to bad guys ...

O'REILLY: Alright. Wait. Let me stop ya'.

HUNT: ... and then support and lead.

O'REILLY: Let me stop ya'. Now John McCain would say "can't do bad things to bad guys." And you would reply?

HUNT: You're wrong. I got a lot of respect for McCain. He spent five years. He was tortured himself. He's wrong about this. These are terrorists and bad - I don't mean torture all prisoners. We have to be able do bad things to an Atta or a bin Laden to save American lives. Period!

O'REILLY: But what are - give me one example ...

HUNT: And train people to do it.

O'REILLY: Give me one example of a bad thing.

HUNT: Physical torture and we can get into it anywhere you want. But I want, but I want to be able to do that, allow soldiers to do that to certain people, with permission, and have the legal back up, when they do it ...

O'REILLY: But that's ...

HUNT: ... to defend this country

O'REILLY: ... against the Geneva Convention

HUNT: Yeah. We need to rewrite it. This is talk of - and we're at war. I'm talking about certain aspects of this because what's happening is we (sic) given, we're giving a side look, letting these soldiers do it and then prosecuting them

O'REILLY: Right.

HUNT: And then generals like Miller ...

O'REILLY: (indecipherable) got that (indecipherable).

HUNT: ... are not standing up for them.

O'REILLY: I agree. We gotta have a whole new handbook on interrogation.

HUNT: Absolutely.

O'REILLY: Gotta run, Colonel, because we have Nicole Smith coming up and it's one of your favorites, I know.


Nothing like airing videos of a scantily-clad, big-busted blonde woman after a segment advocating the torture of prisoners!

It's so very New World Order and all that, don't you know!

Wait. Wait. Is that the sound of goose-stepping I hear?

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