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Providing Aid And Comfort To Anxious Republicans

Reported by Deborah - February 18, 2006

All those nervous Republicans out there who are filling those Ambien prescriptions too often because nagging uncertainty is keeping them awake should turn to the Beltway Boys for help. Mort Kondracke and Fred Barnes can restore their red state righteousness and clarity better than a single malt cocktail or 18 holes at the club.

This week Mort and Fred tackled the excess of the Cheney coverage with their usual wisdom and insight. The press was declared narcissistic with a clip of David Gregory for emphasis. Also Nancy Pelosi was ridiculed for expressing her opinion in public. After all, only Republicans are allowed to do that. Kondracke quipped that she managed to get all the Democratic talking points into three sentences. No doubt, he was jealous since he's definitly a one point in each sentence kind of guy. They even had some comfort for the anti-Cheney party members quoting Peggy Noonan who called Cheney a " hate magnet".

Then they had a few moments of praise for Bush who they thought had a wonderful week adding kudos for his flexibility. They were pleased that the laws would be changed to allow him to keep spying. Senator Byrd was the Democrat to ridicule in this segment showing a clip of him speaking out against altering the law to accomodate the President. Barnes made fun of Byrd's red sports jacket.

On to the Katrina hearing where Brown and Chertoff were offered up with their trademark chuckles. Then Oprah and Sean Penn got a lashing for visiting the disaster and using up valuable resources. Naturally they didn't want to upset their edgy veiwers by mentioning Al Gore's visit to Louisiana right after the disaster to quietly fill a chartered jet with sick survivors. Barnes said just the right thing when he emphatically declared that Bush was right to fly over,without stopping, and return to the White House.

Al Gore wasn't entirely forgotten by the Boys. Gore was ripped up for daring to say that there was a "round up" after 9/11 and the people arrested were kept in " deplorable conditions". Kondracke was amazed that" this man was about to become President in 2000" adding that Jimmy Carter does the same kind of thing. Barnes joined to say that George Bush Senior never does that sort of thing. Kondracke announced his own hypocrisy by saying that there were actually "Arabs" arrested and mistreated after 9/11 but only 50 which isn't enough to be considered a "round up".

There was more of the same kind of Republican comfort food served by the B Boys allowing many tortured Republicans to gather enough strength to fire up the gas grill on the deck and pop that California Merlot. Bless those wonderful Boys.

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