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Even the Oscars Aren't Safe from the Three Little Foxes!

Reported by Marie Therese - January 31, 2006

Leave it to the FOX & Friends trio of Steve Doocy, E. D. Hill and Brian Kilmeade to find something nasty to say about the Oscars. At 8:39 AM EST, as the nominations were announced, FOX set these three up to do commentary in silhouette (like the cult favorite Mystery Science Theatre 3000). Here's a transcript of the Oscar announcements complete with inane banter. Afterwards, they were joined by Lisa Bernhard, FOX News Entertainment Correspondent, for a "Let's Belittle, Demean and Marginalize" the Oscars for the FOX News audience!

SID GANIS, PRESIDENT, ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS & SCIENCES: Good morning, everybody, good morning. I'm Sid Ganis, President of the Academy and before we reveal the nominees for the 78th annual Academy Awards, I would like to introduce my co-announcer this morning. Please welcome Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino.

MIRA SORVINO: Thank you, Sid. Good morning, everyone.

GANIS: The 2005 nominees for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role are Amy Adams in June Bug, Catherine Keener in Capote, Frances McDormand in North Country, Rache Weisz in The Constant Gardener and Michelle Williams in Brokeback Mountain.

Silhouettes of three chairs appear to give illusion that the three FOX hosts were in the audience as the announcements are being made. They made running commentary during the announcements. It wasn't clear that they knew their mikes were on. Sometimes, I got the impression they were responding to comments being made in their earpieces, which made the next few minutes rather surreal!

DOOCY: Mira! (to Kilmeade) These are not robots, Brian.

KILMEADE: OK. I know.

SORVINO: Thank you. For Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role and the nominees are ...

HILL: OK.

SORVINO: ... George Clooney in Syriana, Matt Dillon in Crash, Paul Giamatti in Cinderella Man ...

HILL: Why Cinderella? Oh! For you.

KILMEADE: Thank you.

SORVINO: ... Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain ...

Off screen male voice says "Yay!"

SORVINO: ... and William Hurt in A History of Violence.

Doocy starts giggling, then Hill & Kilmeade follow suit.

GANIS: And for Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role ...

DOOCY: Yeah.

GANIS: ... the nominees are ...

HILL: Uh-huh.

GANIS: ... Judi Dench in Mrs. Henderson Presents,

HILL: She's such a great actress!

KILMEADE: What is that?!

GANIS: ... Felicity Huffman in Transamerica ...

KILMEADE: I've heard about the transsexual one.

HILL: I heard she was good.

GANIS: ... Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice ...

HILL: She is gorgeous!

GANIS: ... Charlize Theron in North Country and Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line.

HILL: I love Reese Witherspoon!

KILMEADE: What is North Country?

HILL: I don't know.

SORVINO: The nominees for Best performance by an Actor in a Leading Role are Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote ...

DOOCY (knowingly): Um-hmm.

SORVINO: Terrence Howard in Hustle and Flow, Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain ...

DOOCY: That's two.

KILMEADE: Oh, my goodness, that's three!

HILL: Three.

SORVINO: ... Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line and in David Strathairn in Good Night and Good Luck.

HILL: Oh?

DOOCY: That guy!

GANIS: And in the category of Best Achievement in Directing we have Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain ...

DOOCY: Um-hmm.

GANIS: ... Bennett Miller for Capote ...

HILL: That was good.

GANIS: ... Paul Haggis for Crash ...

HILL: What's Crash?

GANIS: ... George Clooney for Good Night and Good Luck and Steven Spielberg for Munich.

HILL: Okay.

SORVINO: For Best Original Screenplay the nominees are Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco for Crash ...

HILL: What was Crash?

KILMEADE: I heard it was great!

SORVINO: ... George Clooney and Grant Heslov for Good Night and Good Luck, Woody Allen for Match Point ..

KILMEADE: Really?! Woody Allen?!!

SORVINO: Noah Baumbach for The Squid and the Whale and Stephen Gaghan for Syriana.

DOOCY: They needed five.

HILL: I thought The Squid and the Whale was a kids' one. It's rated "R".

GANIS: And, for Adapted Screenplay we have Larry McMurtrey and Diana Ossana for Brokeback Mountain ...

DOOCY: That's five.

GANIS: ... Dan Futterman for Capote ...

HILL: Same.

GANIS: ... Jeffrey Caine for the Constant Gardener, Josh Olson for A History of Violence and Tony Kushner and Eric Roth for Munich.

SORVINO: For Best Foreign Language Film we have ...

HILL (facetiously): My favorite category!

KILMEADE makes a disparaging snort while DOOCY laughs.

SORVINO: ... from Italy Don't Tell. From France Joyeux Noel ...

HILL: Uh, I loved it!

DOOCY: It was better that Cats!

SORVINO: ... from the Palestinian Authority, Paradise Now. From Germany Sophie Scholl: The Final Days ...

DOOCY (incredulous): The Palestinian Authority did a movie??!!

KILMEADE: Yeah. It's about the suicide bomber.

SORVINO: ... and from South Africa, Tsotsi.

GANIS: The Best Animated Feature Film, the nominees are Howl's Moving Castle, Hayao Miyazaki ..

HILL: Huh?

GANIS: ... Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, Tim Burton and Mike Johnson.

KILMEADE: Doesn't sound like a kid's movie.

DOOCY: Um-hmm.

GANIS: And Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Nick Park and Steve Box.

HILL: Were there only three movies last year in that ...?

KILMEADE (looking to his left, away from screen): Look at the size of her. She's huge!

SORVINO: Finally, I'm pleased to announce that the film selected as the Oscar nominees for the Best Picture of 2005....

DOOCY shushes his fellow hosts.

HILL: She's tall.

SORVINO: ... are Brokeback Mountain, Diana Ossana and James Shamus, Producers. Capote, Caroline Baron, William Vince and Michael Ohoven, Producers.

DOOCY: Um-hmm.

SORVINO: ... Crash, Paul Haggis and Cathy Schulman, Producers. Good Night and Good Luck, Grant Heslov, Producer. Munich, Kathleen Kennedy, Steven Speilberg and Barry Mendel, Producers.

GANIS: So, everybody, please join us on March 5th ...

SORVINO: We'll be there!

GANIS: ... when the envelopes will be opened.

HILL: OK. Great! See ya!

SORVINO: OK!

GANIS: See you then!

SORVINO: Great! See ya'! (shakes hands with Ganis) Thank you, Sid! Congratulations to all the nominees!

GANIS: Thank you.

DOOCY: Thank you Mira Sorvino and Sid Ganis!

VIDEO CLIP of the Sorvino and Ganis ends. Lights come up in FOX & Friends studio. Hosts mill around sound stage, bantering.

KILMEADE: Lisa's joining us. Do you want to turn around or do you want to go back to the big set?

DOOCY (coffee cup in hand, to camera, as he walked off the set): Let's go sit down. Lisa Bernhart will join us to talk about what we just saw in just a minute. Right back!

KILMEADE: Alright. Fine. Big day for Brokeback!

In the next segment, FOX News Entertainment Correspondent Lisa Bernhard and the Three Little Foxes launched into a painful exhibition of narrow-minded cattiness in a discussion of the nominations.

Bernhard pointed out that "there weren't really a lot of surprises," and said "of course, Brokeback Mountain made it in there for Best Picture ... because it's been a critical darling and it's racked up a lot of awards already."

E. D. Hill countered by noting "It's surprising that it hasn't made that much money - I mean, compared to what it cost, it's made money, but I looked at the latest numbers after the weekend. $50 million. It's been out for a while. Something like Glory Road, which has just recently come out, is already at 37 million or 38 million."

Bernhard argued that Brokeback Mountain is a niche film, that it has made money, it's had a slow release, it's continued to build and that, with all the awards and nominations, the producers are "hoping that it will cross the $100 million mark."

Brian Kilmeade jumped in to say that the Oscars were the movie's "last chance" because the SAG awards and the Golden Globes hadn't done it for the box office. Bernhard went on to say that it was a surprise that Walk the Line hadn't made it into to top five films, having been edged out my Spielberg's Munich, although both stars of the Johnny Cash biopic were nominated for Oscars.

"This is all about Clooney, isn't it?," griped Brian Kilmeade, showing that he was really upset that George Clooney had nominations for both Good Night and Good Luck and Syriana.

DOOCY: You know what? It's a great year for gay people!

BERNHARD (laughing): It's a gay old time at the Oscars!

DOOCY: Because Capote also - the biopic of Truman Capote - got a bunch of Oscar nods, too.

BERNHARD: It did. In fact, it got Best Picture as well. It got a screenplay nod. Philip Seymour Hoffman, I have to say, did a terrific job in this role because you could really make Truman Capote ...

DOOCY: Looks like him!

BERNHARD: He looks like him and you could make this role such a caricature with the way Capote spoke, the sound of his voice, the mannerisms, and he manages to pull it off without actually not making a caricature. It's an interesting story of about how he wrote In Cold Blood ...

After a brief recap of the nominations, the segment ended with the following exchange.

BERNHARD: ... and in the biggest upset, Steve Speilberg's Munich edges out Walk the Line.

DOOCY: Ya' gotta figure there was a lot of pressure ....

BERRNHARD: Yeah.

DOOCY: ... to put Steve Spielberg on the list, right?

BERNHARD: Yeah. Well, he didn't win for a lot of years and now he's gettin' in there.

DOOCY: Um-hmm.

KILMEADE: Alright. That Palestinian movie got in. Munich, which is controversial with the Middle East, that got in, so ...

BERNHARD: Right.

KILMEADE: ... it's an interesting time to be gay and a terrorist.

BERNHARD: A lot of political films and a lot of films with social (laughing) issues.

DOOCY: No Michael Morre this year, though.

BERNHARD: Michael Moore is not an entrant this year.

HILL: Lisa's really thinking to herself right now "I can't believe I got myself into this this early in the morning."

BERNHARD laughs loudly.

KILMEADE: you know what? We're every[day] Americans. You're the insider. These are the questions ...

BERNHARD: I know. But that's the thing. The mainstream films that make a lot of money are - don't get nominated. There's no Star Wars. There's not King Kong. There's no Harry Potter. That's true.

DOOCY: You know what Star Wars had in it, though?

BERNHARD: What?

DOOCY: A robot rodeo clown.

The groups bursts into laughter.

KILMEADE: We were just sayin' ...

COMMENT

Pepto-Bismol, anyone?

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