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Jon Stewart Hits Back at Bill O'Reilly

Reported by Janie - December 8, 2005

Two days ago (12/5) Marie Therese reported Bill O’Reilly's attack on Jon Stewart, host of Comedy Centrals' "Daily Show" in which O'Reilly claimed Stewart and "Secular" Central were "the opponents of public displays of Christmas" who "continue to put forth counter-arguments" in the "War on Christmas" ™. O'Reilly played a clip of a report filed by Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee in which she jokingly stated:

"Christmas. It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services and everyone else can stay home and reflect on the true meaning of separation of church and state." Lots of loud laughter. END CLIP

O'Reilly then ended his tirade by pointedly wishing Jon Stewart, who is Jewish, a very Merry Christmas.

Well, last night (12/7) Jon Stewart and the writers over at the Daily Show decided to hit back – and hit back hard.


JS: I want to begin with something a little more personal than usual. As many in the audience know, that are out there watching, there is a war on Christmas. Um, it's been devastating, don't even know if there'll be a Christmas this year. My guess is yes. But what you may not know is who has been waging this war on Christmas. Well, as it turns out, it's me (Showed clip of O'Reilly's comments mentioned above, which was met with boos from the audience).

Well, thank you. And let me say to you Bill O'Reilly and the entire O'Reilly clan: Feliz Navidad. Although, I'm sure you're concerned that that's getting to prevalent as well in this country.

Secondly, you mention here at Secular Central, or as I like to call it, Godless Central, that we keep putting forth counter arguments against Christmas, but I don't recall that clip that you showed there. Maybe, you know what I'll ask Samantha Bee, she was in that clip. Sam, could you come out please.

SB: Oh hi John.

JS: I have a question, um, do you, you filed that report on Christmas, do you remember when we did that?

SB: Um, let's see. Can we take a look?

Comment: As Bee walks out, it is clear to everyone she is very pregnant, about 8 – 9 months. She was wearing the same clothes as she did in the clip in question, with did not even remotely fit, showing that the clip could not have been done any time this year. O'Reilly obviously lied when he stated that they 'continue to offer counter points', as the clip he chose to use could not have been made during this holiday season.

JS: Is that recent? Was that last week?

SB: I got it! That clip was from last December.

JS: Now how do you know that?

SB: It's subtle, but it's unmistakable Jon, my highlights. You see those there are honey, these clearly caramel. Apparently, Mr. O'Reilly thought that nobody would notice, so. Oh! Oh my goodness, my water just broke!

JS: Sam Bee everybody. By the way, if that baby in there turns out to be Jesus, somebody owes somebody an apology.

But apparently, we liberal secular fags here at Comedy Central have fired a devastating year old, six-second long joke that doesn't barely make any sense to us anymore across the bow of Christianity. When you think of liberals your thoughts obviously turn to others that are fighting Christmas, like these Puritans, the first white Americans that banned Christmas celebrations for 22 years in Boston, because they deemed all of them unseemly. Those Godless pricks.

Mr. O'Reilly also obviously objects to the use of the phrase "Happy Holidays" as anti-Christian. Although, some people, there is also a celebration of the New Year, so Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter "S". I suppose you could say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but you probably have sh*t to do. SO YOU SHORTEN IT TO HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Not everyone that says that is anti-Christian.

But, for those of you that don't feel like you want to be idiots walking around starting on November 27th saying Merry Christmas to people, knock yourself out. It's ok. If Bill O'Reilly needs to have an enemy, needs to feel persecuted, you know what? Here's my Kwanzaa gift to him.

(A large holiday greeting card banner is displayed around the screen) I'm your enemy. Make me your enemy. I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas. Christians! Jews! Morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together, at Osama's homo-bortion-pot and commie jizz-porium.

Comment: I think Jon summed it up well himself. You can view the video at Crooks and Liars.

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