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Mailbox Funnies - "MIA" Edition

Reported by Nancy - November 11, 2005 -

Here we go again ... It's been a while since the last time I posted a similar collection. For some unknown reason, people are now sending us really, really long (I mean REALLY long), detailed, convoluted case histories & asking us to do something about them. One more thing: we're *still* getting emails asking about Linda Vester. Back when she first left Dayside, I ignored those. But she's been gone for months, so how "devoted" can these fans be if they're just now noticing that she's no longer hosting the program? Hence the "MIA" title. As usual, identifying info has been deleted to protect the ignorant. Enjoy!

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Subject: (no subject)
what happend to Linda Vester?

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Subject: Help
Please, go to "fight CPS and win"..Read this article..it's the truth. I would have never believed it had this not happened to our family........
[long, disjointed case history deleted]
This has been a night mare for our family. In searching for help, I have found , this is an epidemic in America. CPS and DCS are federally funded......the more kids in custody, the more bucks come to this state to fund these people to legally kidnap Americia's children.....
Thank you for your time, but I need your help, me and thousands of other families all over America.
*** ***, ***-***-****

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Subject: To Whom It May Concern:
I am a taxpaying citizen of *** County and have lived here all my life.  Recently I have had the unfortunate experience of meeting with our Department of Family and Children services.  I am not protesting the reasoning for them intervening in our family life though I am extremely concerned about the amount of compassion and understanding in which they conduct their business or lack thereof. I would like to introduce my family.
[really long case history deleted]
Respectfully Yours, *** & *** ***

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Subject: policy correction - urgent
Please help
 History has shown repeatedly that when the balance of power is shifted dramatically in favor of those in control, that power will be abused and the democratic process can be damaged. To that end, I oppose any form of law enforcement that violates the spirit of our Constitution and the process it protects.  This photo radar issue is now elevating from being a safety measure to being a political front representing how local government can overpower majority.
[really, really long exposition deleted, as well as graphs, charts, etc]
Please accept this information and reply with you position of whether you will be following this through for correction.   My intent is to further pursue this issue until properly corrected.
Sincerely
*** ***, ***-***-****

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Subject: (no subject)
I am very interested in finding out why Linda Vestor is not on Dayside anymore.

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Subject: (no subject)
Why is AOL censoring my postings on the message boards??? Is it because I insist on naming F-You Cheney as our really "VICE" prone president and Halliburton War Hero???
p.s. "The best evidence we have to support the Theory Of Evolution is George "The Chimp" Bush, a.k.a."Austeopissus Tex-anus" ***

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Subject: Broward County needs assistance, too!
Hello,
I am trying to bring the plight of Broward County to anyone's attention. Why are all the resources being directed to only Dade County? Broward was harder hit and has seen no help. At the very least, please investigate why Broward is being ignored. It is disgraceful that only one area is receiving adequate help.
My sister is willing to be interviewed: *** *** (***) ***-*** and cell phone (***) ***-****.
Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter. *** ***

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Subject: WE LOVE THE SHOW
Hi
My mother and I watch your show every day. I would like to know if it is possible to get audience tickets for both my mother and I ,  She has NEVER been to a live show, and she would trully love to come and watch. Please email me and let me know, I would be very grateful.
Thank You, *** ***

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Subject: (no subject)
i know katrina was one of the worst hurricanes ever, it is not time to play politics, it is like a masala(asian indian spice)which is also a main feature of the louisiana cuisine which is still mild tasting generally, which is like the average weather of the american gulf(of mexico) coast on the date of the storm which is common for a subtropical climatic area during the summer around labor day when the storm happened, which is also a movie which was filmed in the area a year before andrew, a storm which has passed by nearby cajun land; florida gets a whole lot of hurricanes a year, which has changed a lot of people's mind for relocation, however the federal emergency management agency is plagued with people(workers) who have poor knowledge of geography since a category 5 hurricane striking new orleans is normal since it is near warm waters, which the florida peninsula generally gets the hardest strike which is normal being near a subtropical sea, believe it or not, even when there is god out there testing your survival skills, there is crime going on, which is generally looting which i believe is outrageous, i think it is time to recall nagin next year, p.diddy and grand theft auto is also looting away the morality of the society in general, because of the storm, nevada tourism advertisement is showing the grand canyon which is much better than gambling, the hurricane has committed suicide since it is a black woman, katrina is a common name for a negress, the exodus is now involved within african americans, which before was involved within generally non-black peoples over the years, some people believe it is a punishment for persececuting arab americans in the aftermath of september 11th,2001, the history of the area is generally associated within white supremacy, which all of the mentioned above is known as a sin in the bible, i believe there will be a wildfire in las vegas very soon, since a flood is a punishment for wild behaviors, i recently have heard in the news about the potential source of oil in the death valley, i think we need to get the industry running, it is a hard dirty work but it is at least honest than gambling, since it would help with current problems, it is a very crazy world out there.. oh, by the way, please forward the message to bill o'reilly from the post about how rap is destroying the society, it wouldn't be surprising to get the effect of the storm in texas since it is a big one and texas is a windy state or it has caused flooding in acadianna.

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Subject: re; my son, my life
Mr.Bill Orally, Let me give you something else to ponder over,ON Nov.16,2003 My son was riding with his friend when they were struck by a drunk driver on probation,out after curfew and hadn't paid any of his previous fines for 2 counts of business burglary. He was charged with a 1st. offence d.u.i. and released that night even though one of the boys only lived one hour and my son was rushed to the hospital with traumatic brain injury, he was in a coma state for 6 months, the Dr. not giving me any hope ,night after night I waited just to see if my 19yr old son would ever wake up!!! during the first couple of days I called mothers against drunk driving , they told me to go to the D.A. and stop all court proceedings and get a reconstruction of the accident done, I did and was assured that everything would be taken care of, I went back within a week and they (  D.A of Vicksburg Ms),told me " I believe I read in the newspaper the other day where the offender pled guilty to a first offense D.U.I." not knowing what this meant, I found out what the double jeopardy law was! My son will never recover, and a business I had for 20 yrs. is closed, as well as a 5 yr art degree GONE !!! now my home that my husband has worked all our life for went on the market last Monday,MR. Orally, I cant understand how my city ,my country or the persons voted into office can be so self adsorb that they allow this to slip through. We have men and women fighting for our freedom BUT are we free?We cant depend on our country to take note of the persons who have already broken the law and now are free to mangle our children , ruin life's while our country is fighting for the people in other lands. It seems to me that if voted officials cant do it right HERE , then why are they dieing there for our so called FREEDOM in this country!!! I guess I will go change my sons diaper now . please reply because I don't think anyone BUT God hears my cries for true freedom. Thank you *** *** (MOM) from Vicksburg MS (***)***-****