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Mailbox Funnies - ROFL Edition

Reported by Nancy - August 22, 2005 -

Since Aug 12, which was the last time I posted a similar collection, our inbox has been flooded with emails that aren't meant for us. Sometimes it's hard to tell exactly who the writer intended to reach, sometimes it doesn't much matter. Here, in all its glory, is the latest batch. The "psychics for Natalee" brigade seems to have moved on to greener pastures, but the tipsters & speculators are still out in full force. As usual, identifying info has been deleted to protect the ignorant. Enjoy!

NOTE: The first of these was not an email, but an actual comment posted on one of our threads, which we thought was so funny we just had to include it here. The writer apparently thought we were a website about Natalee Holloway & says that focusing on media coverage of the Iraq war is off-topic!

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Comment:
All of you who keep bringing the military in Iraq into this conversation please reanalyze the topic of discussion here. We all want the troops to come, for Heaven Sake, my husband has been there for two years and I have seen him for a total of 6 weeks in two years. There is one thing you have to realize here, if those troops were not over there risking there lives for the people of America then we would probably all be dead!
Sure the media needs to focus more on the war in Iraq but this website is about Natalee Holloway.The poor child is missing, she has not been proven as being dead...her parents are very reluctant to find her and until they do the coverage is not going to stop. I commend the Holloway's and Twitty's for their valent efforts to find their missing daughter, and God knows I would want the same support for my daughter.
The family needs the support of their fellow Americans and that is what our intention should be. We should not be knocking the press and the media for what it does best...(exploit stories that will get the attention of its viewers.)

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Subject: To Hugh Denny
Sorry to use your business address but I am trying to make contact with a Hugh Denny who was doing some genealogy work about the name CLOUD.  He was in the Columbia, Missouri area in the '70s.
*** *** Kirksville, Missouri

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Subject: Murder
Why are the Bledsoe`s brothers out of Hawkins county jail after cold blooded murdering a beautiful soul of 22 yrs. old? Someone needs to look at this case in Rogersville, Tennessee   ***

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Subject: To Greta van Susteren
We are Very curious, why not one mentioning  has been made of the fellow with the "pleasure boat" since everyone could tell during your intervieuw with him along the side of the road, it was extremely obvious that this person was NOT telling the true story and definitely made up a unbelievable story as he went along.  He could have easily been the one that brought a body out to open waters or having been involved in some way with Natalee.
Being of Dutch decent and still a citizen of the netherlands  I am ashamed to say that aruba /dutch Police and Investigating outfit overthere has really  done a terrible job in the very beginning and granted favors to Paul Van Der Sloot., whom I hope will NEVER become a Judge./ The son apparently has been out of control for a long time, living in his own apartment at his age is totally ridiculous etc.etc.  I hope this person with the boat will be looked into a little deeper.Thank you very much indeed.   *** ***

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Subject: Attn: Gretta Van Susteren (Natalee Holloway)
Gretta,   My name is *** *** i'm from Boston Ma. I've been watching your show every night at 3 a.m. First let me say i think you are doing a wonderful job and secondly i know you speak too Natalee's Mom every day. I was wondering if you could mention that someone from Boston is interested in either donating $ or coming down to volunteer, even shipping a piece of heavy equipment to Aruba to help with the search... I feel so bad for Natalee's family and am hoping that i could help in any way...?  Please email me back or call ***-***-*** Please, if i can do anything to help i will   Thank You!      *** *** Boston Ma.

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Subject: (no subject)
HOW CAN I REACH NANCY GRACE TO SEND HER AN E-MAIL... THANK YOU.....

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Subject: Mud wrestlers
I just watched the story of the female soldier who was discharged from the Army for her mud wrestling and lifting her shirt top.  I was incredulous watching the announcer on Entertainment Tonight putting the lady soldier down.  I am really hurt for our soldiers and ashemed of the people who wag their fingers at solders any chance they get.  Anyone who puts down an American soldier based on morals, has lost their own.  Any "christian" who says that an American soldier shouldn't behave this way or that, needs to remember that Jesus said that "he who is without sin should throw the first stone".  What I would really like is for any person who feels that they have to say anything that criticizes an American soldier, put on a uniform and go to Iraq or Afghanistan, or Guatanamo Bay, or anywhere else in the world where our soldiers serve, and feel the pressure of not knowing who exactly the enemy is, where they are, or when or where they will attack.  Let them feel vulnerable every second of the day even when they're in a supposedly safe area.  Let them be under orders, written, oral, and moral, not to harm innocent civilians, but to be ready at a seconds' notice to fight and perhaps die to protect those civilians, especially when it is a civilian that will be the attacker.  Let them put up with that for just a day, and perhaps they won't be so ready to criticize some of the things that our protectors do to try and find a little solace from the war.  It seems to me that anyone so ready to criticize or soldiers is either a hipocrite (shame on them) or an idiot (pray for them) but the rest of us who are glad and proud of our soldiers should just ignore them.  And again, the news media, I really can't believe that you are so hard up for a story that you have to sensationalize such stories.  You should see such events with the shock that I felt when I saw the Entertainment segment.  After the time that the soldier has spent in Iraq, after even volunteering to be in the Army, I feel ashamed that the military would treat her or any other soldier in that way as a reward for their great service to our country.  I hope she knows that all REAL Americans pray for her and her fellow soldiers and have nothing but the higest regard for them ALL.
 
PS:  You do not have my permission to give, trade, sell or in anyway distribute my email address or any other personal information to anyone else.

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Subject: (no subject)
Mr. O'Reilly  On the matter of mick j. send him back to his own country and let him run it and keep his nose out of ours. Love it or leave it mick we dont need you hear anyway.  Thank You, *** ***

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Subject:: Counter the right
John,
in case Mr. Bob Beckel can't read.   Please advise Bob that while it is true Americans are not happy over Iraq and the Iraq War,  he and his leftist buddies CAN SLEEP A LOT MORE SAFELY.
 Iraq and this area of the Muslim world is literally FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH AMERICAN HATING MUSLIM TERRORISTS.
 Daily conflicts PROVE THIS IS THE CASE.
 Yes it has cost us in young American lives and American dollars.  No one could be happy about such a disaster.  I am convinced that President Bush absolutely DID THE RIGHT THING FOR AMERICA !  I also believe HISTORY will bare this out !
 Tell that leftist "blow hard" he and his communist friends ought to pay attention to WHAT IS GOOD FOR AMERICA AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.  It sure as hell is not running, hiding, or cowing down to terrorists. 
 It behooves all Americans to PULL TOGETHER AS ONE AMERICAN NATION UNITED AGAINST A COMMON ENEMY.
 *** ***, Daytona Beach, FL 

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Subject: (no subject)
Greta.
     Mr. Bill is asking, " Is Beth Holloway doing right in Aruba?". I think the far greater wrong is being done by the Arubans. There may be one or two big dogs calling the  shots and not wanting to convict Arubans for that  American Girl's disappearance. I feel like she is no longer on the island of Aruba but was sold. How else would the three boys get their money. Their parents might be rich but they surely don't give them plenty of gambling money. I think Americans should be discouraged strongly to not go to Aruba.
from *** ***, Vidor, TX

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Subject: jimmy carter
Before we invaded Iraq, both clinton and carter were on talk shows and both said they agreed that we should go into iraq, PLEASE find these talk show clips and show them.

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Subject: re: Natalie Holloway
please forward to Greta
copy of email to Visit Aruba paper
amybe Greta can help contact correct parties
Have sent items to local Mobile Register, O'Reilly at Fox news, & Eccusearch with no response and thought  you might have more influence on your end directly with Eccusearch -
having visited Aruba the week after the unfortunate event I had what was sone insight as to "search" items/areas. Now that Eccusearch has a ground scan unit on the island thought a quick search of "contractors records" and area in question there might be some clue -
what I observed was trenching operation on island for underground utilities -  placing something there would be a small effort to backfill and go unnoticed in the continueing operation by the contractor.
The location was parallel to and on the inland side of the road in the area of the Mc Donalds toward the Holiday Inn along highway that runs from the Lighthouse to Orangestad.
If I remember right between the road and one of the "ponds" in that area. Don't know if sand, dirt of coral or mixture in excavation.
If Eccusearch could get "contractors" input as to depth, location and dig-out/backfill dates a "scan walk" along what was the trench would prove or disprove my theory.
Hope I'm wrong but-----
if you want a copy of what I sent last month please respond -
*** *** Mobile, Al
***-***-****
***@***.***
ps: enjoyed your newspaper during our visit

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Subject: Local issues
why is it that things that are going on right here are not reported, I have a son in a Fl prison, I bought and payed for a magazine subscription called, FL Legal Perspective, come to find out he is not recieving the book, because the state  wount deliver it, because they advertise cheaper phone service than MCI, and MCI pays the state over 10,00000  a year for the state prisons to use MCI, and the magiazine is sueing the state, so there fore i pay 5.00 for my son collect calls so the state can make a profit off me and others, somethings wrong, or is it  the Bushs plan?

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Subject: (no subject)
The search for Natalee Holloway is an unhealthy obsession. The people who post on what are called the "Natalee Boards," or "Blogs for Natalee" seem to have stopped living, stopped caring for their families, stopped everything because of this one woman. And please, you reporters on Fox, please stop calling Natalee Holloway a "little girl." That smacks of Beth Twitty who calls Natalee a "child," while Joran who is younger than Natalee is called a "man." Why is Jug on Fox all the time anyway? He is not Natalee's father. He is a Johnnycomelately stepdad.