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Gag Me With a Great Big Spoon

Reported by Nancy - August 2, 2005 -

The last hour of FNL today (8/2) was so overwhelmingly nauseating that the gag reflex is the only rational response. Lame graphics, senseless chitchat (thanks mostly to David Asman), bad music, worse video -- this one had it all.

Here are the lowlights:

12:07pm - Alisyn Camerota in Albany NY reported on Beth Geisel, an ("attractive, wealthy") teacher charged with having sex with 4 of her students at a Catholic school. Asman's comment when Camerota finished: "Wotta teacher."

12:09pm - ALERT - Asman reported that the Nationall Weather Service predicts 18-21 tropical storms this year to intro Janice Dean's weather report. When Dean finished, there was some cutesy chit-chat, with Asman talking about "wicked" weather, then slyly saying he didn't mean that Dean was wicked, & Dean coyly replying "I love it when you call me that."

12:14pm - Asman said that Senator Voinovich is "dumping on" John Bolton again, then interviewed Ambassador Dennis Ross. Ross is also author of "Missing Peace: The Inside Story of the Fight for Middle East Peace", which Asman made sure to note is "now out in paperback" before beginning the interview. This was allegedly about how Bolton will be received at the UN, but quickly turned into just another bash-the-UN fest on Asman's part (e.g., claiming that Bolton is to "straighten out" the "managerial problems" at the UN -- "millions of 'em"). Ross was, of course, more diplomatic. Asman plugged the book yet again at the end of the interview, noting that it's now out in paperback so it's cheaper.

12:36pm - Asman reported on a HOT PURSUIT (full-screen graphic, with flames) in FL as police chase suspected sex offender, complete with grainy, pointless video of the eventual capture.

12:37pm - teasers: Bolton; Discovery spacewalk; Jennifer Aniston ("how she REALLY feels about seeing her hubby snuggling with Angelina Jolie")

12:40pm - Asman interviewed Richard Wolffe (White House correspondent for Newsweek) about Bush's agenda; lower-third banner read "BUSH AGENDA GETS BOOST BEFORE VACATION" & there was video of Bush sawing at trees while Asman & Wolffe agreed that Bush really works hard during all those vacations in Crawford. Then there was random video of Karl Rove walking around, while Asman & Wolffe agreed that the current scandal won't hurt the friendship between Rove & Bush. This is the closest FNL has come to discussing Traitorgate in a while, but Asman didn't ask about, & Wolffe didn't mention, the wider implications.

12:55pm - Asman reported that Jennifer Cabanayan, Miss Everett Teen USA 2004, is joining the Army

12:56pm - Asman read from an article about Jennifer Anniston in Vanity Fair, while FNL displayed pix of Anniston that he described as "seen here in the sexy photo spread from the magazine."

Comments: This whole hour would have been an embarassment on E! Between graphics that were either lame (I mean, really: FLAMES surrounding HOT PURSUIT?), or extremely un-subtle (can you think of a more positive spin than "BUSH AGENDA GETS BOOST BEFORE VACATION"?), & the corny chitchat, it was like watching a bunch of sixth graders who somehow got their hands on a videocam & decided to put on a show. No offense to sixth graders -- some of whom, I'm sure, could do better than this.

NOTE TO READERS: Please stay on topic (any of the above topics, or FNL's avoidance of Traitorgate). O/T comments will be deleted. Thanks.