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Mailbox Funnies

Reported by Nancy - June 27, 2005 -

There must be a permanent full moon. We're getting deluged with gmails intended for Fox -- although, as I've noted before, sometimes it's hard to tell *who* these writers are trying to contact. Herewith, for your reading enjoyment, the latest selection -- again with the original "spelling" & "punctuation" intact, & only the names deleted to protect the ignorant.

***
Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: Attn: Greta van Susteren
Please, while Beth has all the sophisticated searchers mention the psyhic "Sylvia Browne" to Beth. Sylvia Browne has a web site. Mrs. Browne is on our local ABC station once a month and every time she is questioned about a missing person she tells the questioner very specific directions as to where to look. I enjoy your show and you are an excellent attorney and friend for Mrs. Twitty. Sincerely, *** ***

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Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: Natalee Holloway needs help
This is a copy of an email I just sent to http://www.caribbeannetnews.com/letters/letters.htm Many have started writing letters to this site to force Aruba to solve the Natalee Holloway crime. We MUST put a stop these people abusing our children. Nice letters don't work so get TOUGH. Please help we need to save Natalee.
Thank you
To Carribean Net
I have personally written our President, George W. Bush and asked him to consider EXTREME military action if Natalee is not returned now. Its about time that Americans cleaned up the carribean and stopped the drug running and white slavery you are well known for.You are all communist sympathisers and need to have
your backside kicked. RETURN NATALEE NOW, OR ELSE.
*** ***, USA

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Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: FAD & MEDICAL TREATMENTS IN AMERICA
Hello Mr. Hannidty,
This question is primarily for you only because I listen to your talk show from 5:00pm- 6:00 pm on my commute home from work and I'll just add I enjoy your show.
I would like to ask what your opinion is on the the Wernecke family out in Texas? And why I did not hear you approach this matter yet?
I would also like to know what your opinion is on the FDA and their power they have. And the fact that they put stuff in our food to make us more hungry and coke a cola's big secret that they put an additive in it to make you addicted? I would like to know your thoughts on this and if you have any thoughts on Natural Cures They don't Want You to Know About by author Kevin Trudeau and what you think as Americans both liberals and conservatist should do about it?
I would thank you so much for your time on these issues. I will hope to hear a little something from you by email and I will be listening between 5:00 and 6:00 pm eastern time thank you.
*** *** my home email is ***

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Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: Natalee
Why don't they use a fortune teller to say where Natalee is? There are plenty of them who claim to have solved problems!

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Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
My Mother asked me to send a story to Linda Vester so here it is.
[story deleted -- too boring to be funny]

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Date: Jun 24, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
Dear Sir
I'm *** by name & from Nigeria .i am requesting for the e-mail address of tom cruise even if the phone number will be possible i will apprecaite it cos i watch his interview on MTVBase

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Date: Jun 22, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
For: Greta van Susteren: Regarding Natalie Holloway. There is a physic on the West Coast named Sylvia Browne, she is on our local TV about every 30 days and many times she has accurately told people what happened to their missing relatives. I am so sorry about Natalie being missing.

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Date: Jun 20, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
I am so glad that FOX has given me a news channel I can watch and make up my own mind.. to hear the so called news being delivered from ANY other network sounds.. well.. I will use Katy C in the morning: to a libreal she says.. I know the dems have been working tirelessly to over come the void in direction, both night and day, can you share some insight on..... well to the conservative she is VERY dissmisive and says, well you've been in power now for a year and what have the American People to show for it? This type of slanderous crap is common. What I have learned is this: Liberals stay around because they don't ever divide no matter how stupid the topic or illogical the motivation. Conservatives constantly question themselves and others. Making them less cohesive. (weaker) What I will never understand is why when in "power" the republicans placate the minority party by giving in on so many issues the vast majority of people are clearly supportive of them.. and finally. What the crap is the patriot act all about.. I am furious with my own parties inability to think clearly. (as all you libs should be of Clinton, I sure appreciated having to explain what oral sex is to my daughter.. and that it IS sex, and it IS wrong even thought the president says different.. I mean lyin is wrong no matter who your sleeping with)

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Date: Jun 18, 2005
Subject: heartland, 6/18/05 - tornados,storms
You asked your storm chaser something about how to protect a house from these storms. Have you ever heard of ICF- Insulated Concrete Homes? The one I am looking at is Phoenix brand - vitually storm-proof, 72% guaranteed energy savings and only about 3% higher to build than wood frame. It's worth a news story for the energy savings or the storm safety or being fireproof. The public just doesn't know about it yet. I enjoy your program, and almost all of FOX. *** ***, Sherburn, MN

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Date: Jun 18, 2005
Subject: ATTENTION: Bill O'Reilly
Subject: TRY THIS IN MEXICO
If you are ready for the adventure of a lifetime, TRY THIS.
- Enter Mexico illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas,international law, or any of that nonsense.
- Once there, demand that the local government provide free medicalcare for you and your entire family.
- Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.
- Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc. Procreate abundantly.
- Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It is a cultural U.S.A. thing. You would not understand, pal."
- Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.
- Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.
- Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.
- Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico
- Drive around with no liability insurance and ignore local traffic laws.
- Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.
Good luck! You'll be demanding for the rest of time or soon dead. Because it will never happen. It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world except right here in the United States. Land of the naive! If you agree, pass it on. If you don't, go ahead and try the above in Mexico or Iraq. LIFE IS GOOD AT C-NILE ACRES ***

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Date: Jun 18, 2005
Subject: Things I see!
Fox news lets me voice my opinion on any subject........they DO NOT let me vote more than once on a subject......... President Bush deserves more respect and praise than he gets............ Durbon is discusting.........

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Date: Jun 17, 2005
Subject: URGENT !
Message to Mr Newt Gingrich
You MUST do something about Geneva-based int.organisations which are horrendous dens of thieves. Take the ILO, for instance, which is a sewer staffed mainly by lesbians and phoneys of all kinds. Stop the Germans from financing this sewer !

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Date: Jun 17, 2005
Subject: NEWS
Greta van Susteren,
Saw your show last night. You talked to someone from the Spartanburg Sheriff's Office re: a missing boy. I'm sure you picked up on the fact that you (we) are not dealing with the worlds sharpest pencils here. He kept telling you that there were other witnesses to the murder the missing boy observed, as though his disappearance couldn't be connected to the crime because the other witnesses are still among the living...Duh! The sheriff can't figure out that the bad guys were sending the other witnesses a clear message! "You testify and you will disappear to!" Please check up on this case from time to time...Someone has to convince the local law what is happening or they will just drop the case, like they have so many others here...Numerous unsolved murders and I doubt this is the only place in the South where this happens.... Enjoy your show. *** ***

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Date: Jun 16, 2005
Subject: today program
I was always taugh that you don't have to advertise it. Must not be to good. There for teenager becarful what you wear. * from PHX

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Date: Jun 16, 2005
Subject: missing girl in Aruba
Greta. a few days ago on the o'reilly factor Jeraldo said that the Dutch boy has a history of violence and was in anger management, plus a year ago he and some of his buddies gang banged a 14 yr. old girl tape it and was selling the tape on the isand. was caught but he never followed up on what happened or his consequense with the law for doing this or did dad step in and get him some kind special treatment, quite frankly here is a 16 yr. old boy and pals gang banged a 14 yr old girl taped it, sold it he probablly would be in some kind of probation or something. Comments by Aruba's spoke people been doing some talking about Nattlie how about doing asking some hard questions about this boys past behavior-maybe good indicator who they are dealing with.

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Date: Jun 15, 2005
Subject: HANNITY SHAME ON YOU
Don't you think you need to apologize to the Schiavo family? You said on national television that Schiavo abused his wife. You also talked about your brother in law (best Radioligist in the country), His name was not on the list for best Radiologist in the country? You made a dumb statement by saying that, Your brother in law must be totally embarassed by your statement. Terri didn't have one broken bone . Her brain was half the size of a nomal brain. Her family displayed her like she was in a freak show. She was so concerned about her apperance she took the chance of dying
.Do you remember what happened to Karen Carpenter? Your report of that case was very cruel.But like the old saying, what goes around comes around ,I'm sure will come back to you some day.
Good Luck, ***, Massachusetts

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Date: Jun 13, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
I would like to know on today's show between 8 & 9 or 9 & 10, the guys were talking about a watch that either helps you sleep or tells you how many times you wake up, I would like to know more about this watch and where I could buy one. I watch your show every day and love it. Thanks if you can give me above information.
*** *** in Port St. Joe Florida

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Date: Jun 13, 2005
Subject: Press responsibility
I was a Pac S&S Combat Correspondent in Viet Nam and the therapy of watching the Press examining their conscience in public during the first Gulf War was great. There is no substitute for experience. When I see the selection of news to print in so many newspapers and the misuse of factual information hibitually with intent to color public opinion, usually with political intent, I am disappointed with much of the Press, in general. The solution is to go after the money. Court advertizers to publish in ads-only publications, removing the cost of the news, thereby reducing the cost of advertizing. When the cost of opinion becomes high enough, perhaps publishers will abandon the subtle editorializing and return to legitimate news. I find so much of the criticism of the current administration to not only be negative but also to be dishonest. What a shame for our country when we could use positive comment for our common good, both at home and abroad.

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Date: Jun 13, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
Bill, I watch you every night but tonight I got a little upset by the mother you had on that gives her a child a "time out" for pretending to shoot a gun. My 23 year old son is in Iraq so she and her children can have that privilage. It is his second tour and yes each day I pray that he will come home, but we are gratefull that he is willing to go and to do what has to be done so we can go to bed each night. Your guest needs to think about all of the mothers, dads and wives that pray for that same thing each night. Thanks for your hard work in bringing us "both sides'. ***, Afton, Wyoming

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Date: Jun 13, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
If you can pass the word to someone at Fox News who will do something - Please do! I have always liked Shepard Smith's reporting, but today I felt sick when he kept talking (over and over while waiting for MJ to leave the courthouse today) about how "frail," "unhealthy," how "pitiful" he looks, due to the weight he has lost. He kept referring to how much stress he has been under it went on and on. I hope the jury doesn't feel so sorry for him that they fail to make the right decision. As the parent of a child who was sexually abused by her uncle at 3 years of age, it is revolting knowing how psychologically damaging sexual abuse is to a child. I don't feel sorry one bit if he scared he is going to prison -- maybe his guilty conscience is working on him. I honestly believe he thought he could get away with it because of his celebrity status. I hope his children are removed from his care.  Are they now in his bed, too? *** ***, Booneville, MS

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Date: Jun 13, 2005
Subject: (no subject)
Mr Beckel, I am amazied everytime I hear you. being in the middle of the road on many things, I get so upset when I listen to your party putting the other party down. The way you and Dean and just about everyone else in your party talks like Everyone else are all crooks yet the Dem. party has been giving our tax money away for years. We cannot afford you taking more money away from us and I know if all the things your party have spent and are planning to spend money on will scare everyone to death. The Federal Welfare Programs was and is the worst give away program that has every been imposed on us. We have built more poor people with that program then would every had been if we had only let those people work and support there family, instead we let them lay around and use the government. Just think how much we could save on just this tax money that is given away. Why don't you people in your party set down and do some real thinking instead of what you are doing. Now yo!
u are wanting to increase the base for SS money to be taken out of our checks. When will you all stop using us and go to work yourself and drop those big checks that we have to pay you for nothing. God save the U. S. Men and woman who think they should are not doing a good job at all. I pray that Pres. Bush fights for every dollar he can save us and also get us enough money to live on by investing the SS that is taken out of checks so that they will have something to live on when they get to our job. You are sure doing that for yourselves to insure your furture. Doesn't anyone in Washington D. C. care what happens to the old people who have been paying all the bills all these years.Please start putting the broken things you have done back together and let us be a happy country again. Thank you, *** ***

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Date: May 17, 2005
Subject: "Pre-Schoolers Getting Kicked Out Of School"
Way To Go John! You nailed the hammer on the head! Boy, I tell you the subject of unruly children needs to be addressed much more frequently in the media and parents NEED to be held accountable for their children. We never had this type of discipline problem back in the 50's when society as a whole viewed "child rearing" along the some lines! I would love to get a copy of that broadcast you made today 5/17/07 at 5:50 eastern standard time that you aired on "Preschoolers getting kicked out of preschool!" My Father and I are in the process of building a child care center to accommodated 135 full-time children. While children and their development have always been my passion, I have some strong concerns about these out of control children. Our Parent handbook will obviously be very thick and detailed with what unacceptable behavior will constitute in plain and simple terms. I am a 33 years old single mother of two sons ages 10 and 8. My eight year old was diagnosed with high-functioning Autism almost 5 years ago and I can tell you that raising these boys thus far has been a blessing and by the same token no walk in the park by any means. In this time not one of them would even think about raising a hand to me let alone an authority figure outside of this house. I think the problem today and this is just my opinion is that "Parenting has become an inconvenience." I would love to order a copy of today's broadcast to use as a resource in my Fathers and I child care center. If you could please e-mail instructions back about getting this video I would greatly appreciate it.
Sincerely, *** ***