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Is It Really Over?

Reported by Nancy - June 15, 2005 -

Yesterday (6/14) FNL ran that question ("is it really over?") as a banner during a teaser about MJackson, & answered it with a resounding "no". Rather than go cold turkey, they chose to cope by yet more bloviating about the trial (complete with pix of the outside of the courthouse, where of course even more nothing than usual was happening) & its aftermath. Meanwhile, they've turned the Natalee Holloway case into the next media circus.

The :"hard news" FNL claims to purvey? There wasn't much of that -- short (& I do mean SHORT) blurbs about the Senate confirmation of judicial nominee TGriffith; a candidate for US Senate BRUTALLY STABBED in Baltimore: ("perennial politician"); a 4-year-old died at Disneyworld; a car chase in CO; woman drives car "RIGHT OFF A CLIFF" in NM; couple in WA suspected of hogtying their grandchildren; headlines (quake in Chile; van crash in Nashville; spring storms in MO); capture of a "key aide" to Zarqawi; bombs in Kirkuk & Bakuba; bomb in Kabul; Flag Day & 230th anniv of the USArmy; a new kidney transplant program; yet another hysterical "report" from Jonathan Hunt on the investigation of the UN Oil-for-Food program; Pakistan President Musharraf says the interrogation of Al-Libbi ("#3 in Al Qaeda") has led to the capture of 14 others; a clip of Hannity's interview of Cheney, followed by an interview with Pete Dupont (GOP, former Gov of DE) & Bennett Johnston Jr (former Sen, D-LA) about Gitmo; pix from yesterday's plane crash in Ft Lauderdale, FL, then a clip of the pilot talking to the press today. By endlessly repeating teasers & including fluff, opinion & speculation, they managed to drag that out for the last 2 hours of the program.

So rather than bore you to tears with the gory details (or, more accurately, the lack thereof), here's a HUMOR piece from one of my favorite writers, Andy Borowitz:

End of Case Leaves Gaping Hole in People's Lives, Survey Says

One day after singer Michael Jackson was found not guilty in his child molestation trial, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans already miss the Jackson trial and feel a gaping hole in their lives without it.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, shows to what extent the trial of the controversial entertainer filled an emotional void for millions of Americans, a void they now feel powerless to fill. According to the survey, which has a margin of error of plus or minus five percentage points, 83% agreed with the statement, "Now that the Jackson trial is over I have no reason to wake up in the morning." Even more pointedly, 61% agreed with the statement, "Without the Jackson trial to follow, my life has no meaning."

In the hours after the verdict was announced, a nationwide support group was established to help those who depended on the Jackson trial for emotional sustenance deal with the feelings of emptiness and hollowness that the end of the trial has caused. Dr Garland Covey, a clinical psychologist who founded the group, said that those suffering from Jackson trial withdrawal can expect to spend "at least a year" grieving the loss of the trial. "Most importantly, these people need to know that there are other things in their lives to look forward to," he said. "For example, maybe the runaway bride will run away again."

Elsewhere, Vice President Dick Cheney defended the U.S. detention camp at Guantanamo, saying that the prisoners are well treated and get to keep their own hoods.

NOTE TO READERS: Please stay on topic (the lack of "hard news" reports on FNL, Borowitz's take on the aftermath of the Jackson trial). O/T comments will be deleted. Thanks.