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Sunday Funnies

Reported by Nancy - June 5, 2005 -

If you've finished reading your Sunday paper, here are two humor pieces you might like -- the first, because it's so easy to laugh at news orgs in general; the second, because we need to remember to laugh at ourselves occasionally. Enjoy!

Media To Retire Facts, Journalistic Standards
By Brian Briggs

Several major media outlets such as FOX, Yahoo! & CNN announced they will be retiring two outdated themes in media: using fact-based information & professional journalism standards. ABC News & The Today Show are expected to join the other news outlets after the summer.

"It just became too much effort," said exasperated Yahoo! reporter Stephanie Dixon. "We found it was easier to blame video games & Jackass than to get actual facts to support our stories." Stephanie's most recent article deals with the harmful effects of Unreal Tournament 2003 on the digestive problems of family pets. She also stopped using apostrophes & the letter 'Q' based on their distant placement from her pinkie fingers.

FOX News director Mort Granger agreed with the move. Last week he began using automatically generated templates for articles posted on the FOX News web site. "You just type in the breaking news topic, & the template automatically generates a story relating the problem to Jackass: The Movie. Not only is the process incredibly innovative, it also gives our staffers more time to spend on popcap.com." Granger, winner of the 1964 Pulitzer prize in journalism, also tops the high score list for Insaniquarium. His decision to retire these "outdated & archaic benchmarks" was based on the large increase in page views for a story he ran last week "Jackass: The Movie Kills 12 in Alabama Tornado." The article detailed the collapse of a small theater due to high winds.

Not everyone agrees with Granger. Weekly World News editor Delphina Marguiles is shocked at this announcement. "Whatever happened to journalistic integrity? Sensationalism and blame of pop-culture plague today's news outlets. Personally, I'm sickened by it."

The news outlets also noted that early next year responsibility & accountability are slated to retire. The American Parenting Society plans to adopt a similar retirement list early next year.

Survey Shows More Bloggers than People
Brian Briggs

Boston, MA - A recent survey by the Foundation for Accuracy in Blogs (FAB) showed that over eight billion people worldwide are posting on their own blog. FAB, a nonprofit group set up to improve acceptance of blogs as legitimate news sources, conducted the survey of worldwide blogging trends from January to the end of February 2005. The Washington Post published the results in an article yesterday, which quickly became the most linked article in blogs according to blog tracking site, bloghole.com.

FAB President Brian Wilcox said, "These results show the recent explosion in blogs this past year. I admit there may have been some extrapolation in our numbers, but we verified that Excel made all the calculations properly."

Other interesting results from the survey include:
* 27% of bloggers blog daily, while 82% do not
* Each blogger on average maintains 3 blogs for a total of 32 billion blogs.
* 78% admitted spreading memes that weren't worth spreading

Critics of the survey, mostly from multinational media conglomerates who fear the power of the blog, claim the numbers cited in the survey outstrip the population of planet Earth.

Many bloggers were quick to defend the survey. "Those people are just trying to minimize the importance of blogs. It's always been their strategy. The facts just don't tell the whole story in this case, & that's why I blog," said Kyle Tamarind who runs thekylereport.com. When shown the latest global population numbers produced by the UN, Kyle excused himself, then said he had to leave to go blog about this interview.