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A Link to Bill O'Reilly's Past

Reported by Judy - March 4, 2005

So the folks who syndicate Bill O'Reilly's column don't want the big, bad News Hounds to link to his latest work. Well, how about if we link to a column Billy wrote thirty-three years ago? It's on one of Billy Boy's favorite subjects.

Yes, that would be sex, or in this case, what is often the precursor to sex -- kissing.

A year after graduating from Maris College, O'Reilly wrote a feature for Marist's student newspaper, the Circle, which was titled: "Tips for Teenage Parents: Lets Talk About Kissing." And talk about it O'Reilly does, with all the humor of a 15-year-old.

"When a child approaches me with a query about kissing, I immediately try to communicate with him in his own language. Thus I say things like 'Right on,' 'Dig it' and 'Cool,'" wrote O'Reilly. ... "Remember parents, always end your sentences with the words, 'Can you dig it.'"

O'Reilly advised parents that "a good rule to follow and teach is
that kissing is all right as long as it does not involve another person. Can you dig it? Another important thing to remember parents, is that kissing, like marijuana, can lead to greater evils. In a survey taken by the Monks of St. Stanislaus in the highlands of Nepal, it was proven that kissing definitely leads to other barbaric sexual displavs, such as hugging and-or hand-holding."

What, not laughing yet? There's more. O'Reilly tells girls to kick boys above the thigh and below the belt if they try to sneak a kiss. He also suggested girls date only a certain type of guy who "is interested in different things. He probably has more in common with girls-than other girls! Now let's look at it objectively they can have a lot of fun. This kind of boy and the right girl can go shopping together, trade purses,do each others hair and, if they really get friendly, they can peek into each others diaries. A girl can really get 'tight' with this kind of boy and not have to worry about sin.'

O'Reilly as voyeur rears his head briefly in the column when O'Reilly writes "Of all the sights that are the one that is most appalling to me is a picture of two girls who are...wait a minute, oh yeah, is
the sight of two teenagers kissing in full view of the public. Just last Tuesday evening I saw two teenagers smooching for ten minutes in the girl's living room. They did all this right in front of me. I almost fell off my ladder and through the window."

Hah, hah, hah.

The funniest thing about this column is the picture of O'Reilly as cool dude that accompanies it. The second-funniest thing is that I can link to it and there's nothing Bill O'Reilly can do about it.

Can you dig it?

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