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Ready to Laugh Again?

Reported by Nancy - November 4, 2004 -

I'm almost there, & this particular piece of web parody/satire helped a lot. Not in a raucous belly-laugh way, more like a sardonic, almost wistful, way.

As usual, note the category before you rant: it's meant to be FUNNY.

USA Fails IQ Test

The world's most powerful nation yesterday failed the largest IQ test ever to have been administered to a group of people. Approximately 120 million people took place in the simultaneous intelligence test across the USA. The results have astounded world analysts, revealing that over 50% of those taking part have an IQ below 50 points (a mongoose has an IQ of 43).

The test, which asked people to choose which of 2 men best represented the universal ideals of peace, freedom & prosperity was calculated to require only an IQ of over 50 in order to find the correct answer. The test proposed one candidate as a draft dodger who had created the biggest national budget deficit in history, reduced personal liberties & declared war twice over the previous 4 years. The other candidate was presented as a successful politician who had fought in a previous war, actively campaigned to end it, promised to get the budget deficit under control & restore personal freedoms, & build international relationships to avoid future conflicts.

The impact of the result - that over 50% of those tested incorrectly chose the first candidate, may have long-running repercussions as the world considers revoking America's driving license* (*World driving licenses require a minimum IQ of 50).

One immediate repercussion is that the Swedish Peace institute (SPI) has declared Evangelical Christians a greater threat to world peace than Muslim terrorists. Benny Ulveus, ex ABBA songwriter & current director of the SPI, said, "The American people have rejected an opportunity for a fresh start. The reason is the 'Evangelical Christian' movement, & the influence they have had on the US vote. If these 'Christians' can get the American public to support one of the most dangerous, aggressive & war-mongering presidents the world has ever seen, then there is no limit to the damage they can do to world peace. I suggest they re-read their bibles. The real message is not one of division, war & hatred, but a message of love & brotherhood."

World leaders have asked Democrat voters not to throw away their Kerry/Edwards badges in order to avoid the massive discrimination expected against all US citizens worldwide. "Until this election, people's distaste was aimed at George Bush" political analyst Gerald Aurdian told BIGfib. "People knew that Bush was elected with less than half of the vote, so they didn't really blame the American people. However, now that it seems that a majority of Americans do support these policies of hatred, arrogance & war, I think there is going to be a huge backlash."

G. Aurdian told BIGfib that US citizens overseas can expect to be overcharged for & served cold coffee, custard with spit in it & chocolate pudding containing excrement. They can also expect to receive erroneous information in response to any questions they may ask whilst overseas. The best way for thinking Americans to protect themselves will be a Kerry sticker.