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FOX News Pulls Plug On War In Iraq!

Reported by Nancy - October 17, 2004 -

Here's a Sunday-morning break from real "news". Reminder: note the category before you rant. It's meant to be HUMOROUS.

FOX News Pulls Plug On War In Iraq!

Unconfirmed Sources report that FOX News has decided to end the War in Iraq. Sources inside the network detailed how FOX News will try to wrap up the war in late October to make room for new fall programming. The series "Iraqi Freedom" has enjoyed a great run but slow-to-develop plot lines & a high body count have sunk FOX's once shining star. The original episodes, shot in Afghanistan, were very well received by fans of FOX News. Hungry to capitalize on good ratings, FOX News pushed producers to begin planning a move to a new, more exciting location with more targets to destroy & more Pentagon special effects. Iraq was selected for the new season, & the network began to hype the upcoming program.

With energy focused on Iraq, the Afghan series was hastily abandoned. Much to the dismay of fans, the final Tora Bora episode left many loyal viewers wanting more. One entertainment writer, Bill Krystol, wondered aloud what happened. "Why did FOX leave the main plot line unfinished? Why did they spend so much time on the ‘American Taliban' subplot? The real story was Osama Bin Laden & not that skinny American kid fighting with the Taliban. The subplot, which had been designed to capture the interest of an American audience, was a boring waste of time. They really made a mess of the series ending. I hope a post-election sequel, "Return to Afghanistan" is in the works."

Convinced that "Iraqi Freedom" would be the network's crowning achievement, FOX News, with the help of the Bush administration, planned & launched the series on location in Iraq. The opening weeks of the series were successful well beyond the network's expectations. The air raids & the armored charge into Baghdad received huge ratings. But after such sky-high ratings the only place left to go was down. The rising body count of troops & civilians in the conflict began to fatigue even the most loyal FOX fans. The sweeps week capture of Saddam & the killing of his two sons was barely enough to slow the ratings decent. With the red ink rising into the billions & the American body count reaching 1000 it was time to take drastic action. FOX & the administration were hoping that declaring Iraq a sovereign nation & canceling army press briefings would restore "Iraqi Freedom" to its formerly high ratings, but the plan failed to impress viewers in the important US, Europe & Iraqi media markets.

With shareholders demanding a change, FOX has decided to end the War in Iraq. VI (Victory Iraq) day is scheduled for the last week of October to make room in the fall line-up for the new FOX entertainment series, ‘I Married Buffy the Vampire Slayer', starring Jessica Simpson.