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Alternate Reality

Reported by Nancy - October 10, 2004 -

Here's a Sunday-morning break from all the real bloviating about the debate. Reminder: note the category before you rant. It's meant to be HUMOROUS.

CNN follows FOX's Lead
Opens News Bureau in Alternate Reality

Unconfirmed sources report that CNN has opened a new bureau in the nearby alternate reality known as Happybushlandia. The staff were transported to Happybushlandia several days ago. The team should be able to get set up in time to cover the upcoming presidential elections.

"We knew it was only a matter of time," said Roger Ailes, Head of FOX News. "We knew the others would find out about Happybushlandia, so we decided to expand quickly & capitalize on the opportunity while we could. It was a good run while it lasted, but we are ready for anybody who wants to challenge our extensive coverage of Happybushlandia. Bring 'em on! We are ready."

When asked why Fox decided to cover Happybushlandia instead of our own reality, Ailes explained. "Things are a lot different there. The economy is doing great, the war is going our way, & the country is united behind President Bush. It's altogether a much nicer place to talk about. So we did, & people liked it. And you know, we are in the business of telling people what they want to hear."

"This is a very important day for us," said Philip Kent, Chairman & CEO of CNN. "We have been wondering where FOX has been getting all their information & now we know. I'm disappointed that it took us so long to figure it out, but now we can be more competitive. I think people will want another view of what is happening in Happybushlandia. We are, however, committed to continuing news coverage of our own reality. We are not going to drop coverage, like FOX, & cover only Happybushlandia."

"This is big, really big," said Brooke Gladstone of NPR's On the Media. "In the hyper-competitive world of cable news having a 4-year lock on an alternate reality is hard to imagine, but FOX did it. FOX has been broadcasting from Happybushlandia for nearly 4 years & CNN has finally cracked this closed market. I bet it won't take long for other news companies to follow suit & set up shop in Happybushlandia."

The story of how the alternate reality, Happybushlandia, was discovered in slowly coming to light. Several visitors from Happybushlandia have apparently been living & working in our reality for many years. These people have used their contacts back in Happybushlandia to great advantage here in our own reality. "The real scary part of this whole deal is getting Happybushlandia mixed up with our own reality," said Glen Hollings, the NASA scientist who is heading a team to study Happybushlandia. "Anybody could be from Happybushlandia & you might never know it. Your wife, your best friend, a crazy right-wing TV personality named Bill, heck even the president could be from this alternate reality. There is no way to know if someone is actually form Happybushlandia. And with FOX, who even knew they where covering another reality? The whole thing gives me the hee-bee gee-bees."