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Believe It Or Not

Reported by Nancy - August 23, 2004 -

Here's a list of 20 things you have to believe in order to be a Fox fan.

Things you have to believe to be a Fox fan:

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing & a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness & you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The US should get out of the UN, & one of our highest national priorities is enforcing UN resolutions against Iran.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business & Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers & moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, & shares your hatred of homosexuals & Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits & combat pay.

8. Group sex & drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of CA as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to insult our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation & money.

11. HMOs & insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming & tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him & a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find bin Laden" diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages & censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China & Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.